Jane’s Hiring: Must Be Good With Convolution, One-Trackness, and Brain Routing

My friends are  professionally accomplished, and have big important jobs.  Using classic Under-Achiever logic, I feel I don’t need to do more with my life, because they are doing so much. It’s kind of like I’m achieving by association. (Keep up the good work, guys! I like feeling important.)

The big important jobs happen in the big important city. Super Achieving friends have major commute. Months-without-sleep kind of commutes.

They never whine. I never hear about freezing at the bus stop at 3 am or the four hours a day some friends spend driving back and forth to their jobs.

I’m only on day three of driving back and forth to San Francisco. (I do not get to call it a commute: by the time I hit the freeway, everyone is finally up to the speed limit, I have an “ish” arrival time, and I do not have to apply mascara at an ungodly hour.) Annoyingly, I still want to whine.

I don’t have to be functional when Tokyo comes online. I just have to stay in my lane.

The Under-Achiever in me feels super important about how well I stay in my lane.

Re-wiring issue #1: No Whining.  I think we all understand why it’s imperative to keep Jane from whining about the drive. She’d like to keep her friendships.

Re-wiring issue #2: Because my usual commute involves a short hallway and bunny slippers, my brain believes driving to San Francisco is a Road Trip.  If you regularly follow this blog, you immediately know why this is a bad thing.  If my brain continues to send out Mayday “Road Trip” signals, I will never fit into my skinny jeans again.

Yesterday I needed more caffeine to keep up my excellent lane-management skills.  I stopped at a gas station for a diet Coke. Twenty-seven seconds of aisle-frenzy later, I was sitting in my car staring at a candy bar (love),  vinegar potato chips (hate), a pack of gum (?) and a diet Coke. All for the low, low gas station price of fifteen bucks.

Amend the above: if I don’t stop the Road Trip mentality, I will be fat and broke. I yell at my brain.

Jane: This is not a Road Trip!

Brain: I know. Sheesh. What was THAT all about?

Jane: Um. Shouldn’t you know what that was all about?

Brain: Nope. Sorry. Take it to a shrink. Not my job.

Jane: C’mon! You’re the brain, you’re in charge!

Brain: Hello. Obviously I am not in charge.  Look down.  Vinegar chips.  9:30 am.  I rest my case.

I have to concede the point. It knows I don’t like vinegar potato chips. In fact, I can’t remember my brain ever suggesting I buy them.


IT Position: Laid back company with “ish” mentality, welcomes driven, proven, IT managers with systems routing experience. Must have current psychotherapy license, sense of humor, patience, and strong “Mother says NO” attitude capabilities. Fast reflexes a must: light duty cellophane bag snatching is required.  Salary commensurate with results.

Any takers…?

8 thoughts on “Jane’s Hiring: Must Be Good With Convolution, One-Trackness, and Brain Routing

  1. I so empathize with the first statement. I use the rationalization when it comes to exercising. Reading a whole bunch of fitness magazines is kinda like working out by proxy, right?

  2. Well, look at it this way. If you didn’t have that commute, complete with the gas station stop and the food frenzy…. what would you write about?!!
    Thanks for the morning humor!
    My son lives in SF and commutes to Cupertino. He hates the commute, too! When he gets really bored he’ll call us… we have long conversations while he’s stuck in traffic! I worry about his multi-tasking!

    1. Good heavens. SF to Cupertino is a loooooooong commute! Even if he’s going against the flow of traffic into SF, there’s pretty much just the one freeway. Continually under construction. At least (hands free) talking on the phone in a freeway parking lot is relatively safe…I’ve done that, spent an hour driving a whole two miles.
      My condolences to your son.

      Good point about it at least being writing material. 🙂

  3. I could tell from the title of this post that it was going to be a funny one and thought “Yay! We haevn’t had one of these in a while!” Settled in with my coffee (then remembered about prior coffee-out-nose-on-monitor scenarios and continued reading).

    p.s. — You are extremely important! You make us laugh, and I am forever grateful for it.

  4. I hope you are getting paid to write this blog, Jane. The Literary Horse is the best written, most informative, absolutely hilarious material available. You have no idea how far you can pick a person up with your blog. I hope there is a big, fat salary attached to it.

  5. Always remember and never forget: people choose to work in the city and live in the country. The miserable commute is part of the package. Others choose to skip the commute, and forego the career advancement and excitement of the city. Don’t feel guilty, and certainly not unimportant.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s