Back to Reality…Oops There Goes Gravity (The Super Model, Part Two)

If only our horse lives could stay in a sort of rosy, carrot and alfalfa scented fog of perfect bliss and connection.

Really Jane? What is my photo doing on a horse blog?
Our Reality and Gravity expert: Eminem

While my ideal state for relationships is All Bliss, All the Time, there’s a problem. That rosy, foggy, carrot and alfalfa scented state is strictly imaginary.

As anyone in any relationship anywhere is well aware.

This is partly why those incredible moments of connection are so sweet. BECAUSE THEY GO AWAY.  

Sorry.  Didn’t realize I was shouting.

Stand still so I can Disney-fy our relationships, dang it!
Why, Walt, WHY…?

Back to Reality:

The Super Model went back to being an ordinary horse.

I’ve learned this at the training barn: a surprising number of mares have “Blanket Issues”.  Even if they like blankets.  

The Super Model is more or less decent about having her blankets removed.  She is more or less psycho about having them put back on.  Often, a stud chain has to be involved, to keep all four hooves on the ground, and so we don’t end up pinned beneath her.  She would like the blanket to be put on very, very fast.


She wants to charge me down and swan dive into the head opening, her ears pinned, her lips curled, her eyes small and glaring.

I was lucky.  I got a two-day “You’re back! You’re back!” grace period.  Soft eyes and sweetness while I gently pulled blankets off and on again. She’d been on the road.  I assumed she’d finally given in to trainers requirement that We Stand Still For Blankets.

Day three: she had a change of heart about many things: mowing me down seemed like a decent option when a butterfly gently fluttered down onto a pretty flower. 

Rats. My job is to make her more afraid of ME than random nunchuk-wielding butterflies.  

Seeking World Domination and Arch Nemesis status.  Horrifying.

That unfair, totally wrong thing that our mother said? This hurts me more than it hurts you? It’s that hard to wallop The Super Model. I want to sob because she had been so sweet, and now I’m beating the crap out of her. More or less.

The good thing about horses…as long as we are fair and not acting out of anger, it doesn’t change how they feel about us. Once past the evil butterfly and in the barn, she nuzzles my hair.  

Awwwww. She still loves me.  

Later, she’d like to kill me when I’m putting her blanket back on.  Nothing like being in a 12×12 box with a 16.3 hot horse that is trying to climb up your body because you are not blanketing her fast enough. Note: this is not fear. She is impatient, and wants me to hurry up, preferably by making the blankets magically appear on her body, without all the annoying buckling, tweaking, and head insertion. I’m somewhat familiar with Reality.  I have the chain ready.  We work on standing still, quiet, and relaxed for blanketing.  Four times.

Oops There Goes Gravity:

I started laughing: it’s love. We don’t get to cherry-pick the warm fuzzy stuff and avoid the random bitchiness. (Shaun would verify this.) Love is all-inclusive. 

Damn it.




4 thoughts on “Back to Reality…Oops There Goes Gravity (The Super Model, Part Two)

  1. Miss Super Model sounds pretty opinionated about her blankets. Dusty was like that when I first got her. The only way I could blanket her was to put her on cross ties and not put it over her head. Eventually she got used to the idea and there hasn’t been a problem in years.

    Look on the bright side, the weather is getting warmer and she won’t need a blanket for much longer.

    1. She means no harm…just has strong opinions and is young. Lots of repitition while relaxed should help. And alas, show horse, so probably will retain a dust cover, except on the hottest of days. Nice work with Dusty!

  2. Sigh. It was nice while it lasted.

    Fee got very accustomed to taking care of Mama (also known as “making all the decisions”) while I was broken. Renegotiating the contract has been interesting. Not so much fireworks as with your Supermodel, but then, Fee prefers stubbornness over flamethrowers. Maybe someday she will even wear me down on something. We’re still young (ish). It might happen. Also pigs flying might someday be a thing….

    1. I am so happy you are no longer broken. I think the super model concern trajectory went exactly as it should have…it’s sort of just like life…you know…life as if Walt Disney wasn’t involved? (I blame him for my unrealistic expectations.) She was happy I was back: everything could go back to normal. I still love her to bits, and now I know she does too. That’s a win for sure. Renegotiating the contract…that is a tough one with dragon mares who take care of us!

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