I. Can’t. Get. No…Status Traction (I Try, and I Try!)

The Rolling Stones…? Suits…? Can I be hallucinating?

And I thought this song was about designer athletic shoes….

Last Monday, I got wacked on the head. This turned out to be quite useful. Not in a concussion-y sort of way (That part sucks), but in an: “I know! Blogging with a concussion is a GREAT idea!” sort of way.

After declaring the ER doc incompetent (TWO WEEKS recovery? Is she nuts?  I’ll be fine in a couple of days), I set about dealing.  I lay there in the dark: no reading, no sound, no TV.  Nothing but me and my internal horseman’s alarm clock, which says I can recover from anything in 24 hours. 

I'll think about it tomrrow. (are we sure I'm not a drag queen?)
I’ll think about it tomorrow. (Are we sure I’m not a drag queen?)

 I do everything the doc says for the entire 24 hours.

Then I wobble out of bed, fling the curtains open, and..fall over, from the searing, blinding brightness of  a blackened, rainy sky at 6 am.  Luckily, the bed hasn’t moved. Shaun flings the curtains shut, shoves me under the covers and says, “Do NOT make me sit on you.”

I hit the snooze button on the “I’m Over It” clock. Doctors can be right? Who knew?

The reason I have a concussion isn’t all that important.  You know the drill: there was a horse nearby. The ground tilted up, ambushing me. A pipe corral panel leapt in and whacked me on the noggin.  I was not wearing a helmet, since I was not ON the horse. Strictly a ground-attacking me with a pipe sort of thing.

The good news: with friendly encouragement (you know who you are…Thank Youuuuu) and complete willingness to totally suck at blogging, here I am.  

Bonus: I get to see my brain on a concussion is pretty much the same as my brain off a concussion. (Minus the nausea.) Good to know. I’ve had some episodes of misreading stuff. Before I got bonked. 

Driving home from work, pre-concussion, I passed a dilapidated barn with a giant sign:


Brain sale? Whoa. Creepy barn. Because I’m picturing this:

It's a brain sale!  Everything must go!
It’s a brain sale!  I could pick up a spare!

Another day, I stopped for coffee, and read bulletin board flyers while waiting in line.  This one caught my attention:

Local ATHEIST COMPETITION! Are you Atheist? Come join us in friendly competition. Many sections! All levels welcome! FREE!!

This is my non-concussed thought process:

  1. Atheists compete…?
  2. There are levels and classes of atheists?  Who knew? 
  3. What does an atheist competing look like? HOW do they compete…and why does this flyer make it sound fun and community oriented? 
Is this what an Atheist Competition looks like?

We had a time of high anxiety a few months ago.  Christmas was sick. We had to leave him at the vet for testing and observation.  Finally our vet called back: 

“I’m afraid your dog tested positive for pancakes.  We’re starting him on IV fluids right away”

I probably test positive for pancakes too...
I probably test positive for pancakes too…

Um. WHAT?!

(Christmas is fine, no need to worry.  Or send syrup.)

Then, post-concussion, I read this sentence in my blog spam:

“Remember, before going into the castle, you must knit every Zombie, or you will die.”

Uh. A video game in which you knit zombies…? Huh. Knitted zombies.  Could be cute?

Today, there was a news-ish post in my Facebook feed, with this headline: 

“Cinderella over time: tracking the glass spider through the centuries.”

Because everyone knows about Cinderella and the famous glass spider...
Because everyone knows about Cinderella, the prince, and the glass spider…

Much slower than I like to admit, I got some traction:

I’m sure by now all of you have figured out I passed a barn sale, saw a flyer for an athletic competition, our dog had pancreatitis, one tends to knife zombies in a video game, and Cinderella didn’t have spider issues. (That would be Miss Muppet.)

Forget the status, I just need traction.  I better get over to the brain sale.  

Anyone else want to come? We can listen to Bob Marley on the way over. I like a rousing human rights song about food shortage.  

Who knows all the words to Stand Up For Your Rice?


19 thoughts on “I. Can’t. Get. No…Status Traction (I Try, and I Try!)

    1. HA! Nope. We know you aren’t making fun of dsylexics! My favorite, that I thought no one would believe I’d misread (so I didn’t include) was: “The Rainbow Unicorn Police Service”. I think we could use that one. How happy would a Rainbow Unicorn Police Service make the population…? The Rainbow Unicorn Pool Service, however, is what is making people happy about their pools.

  1. This is actually how my brain works all the time, and it makes Facebook extremely entertaining. I was excited about the Atheist competition, though. I thought maybe it would be like a rousing debate on the merits of Dawkins vs. Sagan. *Sigh* I guess I’ll just stick with dressage. Take care of yourself, and watch out for those pipe corrals… they’re mean. This is why I have electric fence instead of solid fencing, less blunt trauma injury and free electroshock therapy!

    1. Agreed! When at all possible, we prefer fencing that breaks or shocks us. Holy cow. Free electroshock therapy. Why have I never thought of that?! Next melt down I’ll go grab Hudson’s fence. 😉

  2. LOL. I’m glad you’re on the mend (and you’re welcome).

    I myself just have a permanent case of horse-brain. So when I mean to write “trial” in a legal document, instead I write “trail.” And when I read lead (as in lead paint) I pronounce it lead (as in lead change). The hazards of having to pretend I’m not a pony-crazed for extended spans of time during the day….

    1. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say (or write) “This is an issue that needs to be decided at trail. Preferably with lead changes.”

    1. Who is in (we don’t need to tell anyone if we are atheist or not!) for the atheist competition? Bring a spare brain, a horse or two, and we’ll have a blast!

  3. Sorry to hear about your concussion. I’m glad to hear someone besides me hears totally different conversations than what was actually said. If I ever see a brain sale I certainly won’t pass it by!

    Here’s a quick story you might appreciate although it had nothing to do with me…for a change. When I boarded at a barn the manager there put a sign out front that said, FREE MANURE”. So these two women stopped in one night and asked for their FREE MANICURES! I loved it!

  4. Ouch! Hate it when the ground comes up and hits you. Especially with a pipe. After this past winter, with so much snow and ice, I started to consider wearing a helmet all the time. The ground and I made contact more than once, luckily with the well padded bits. The only time I hit my head recently was in my house. Yup, it’s dangerous in my kitchen. A box from Costco ambushed me and the fireplace jumped out and helped. Make sure you take that concussion seriously! And feel better soon.

    1. You guys have had a tough winter. Winter is nothing here, even when it’s normal for us, compared to what you have to deal with. I will, and thank you. (And kick that box right back!)

  5. I see those things too, and the ground hasn’t attacked me recently. It’s been… weeks. Well, days, anyway.
    Hope it all clears up for you soon. And hope the dog gets over the pancakes.

    1. He’s completely over pancakes, thank goodness. Scared the heck out of us. And I’m relieved to hear I not the only one who’s brain inserts oddly similar yet completely inappropriate words…without being whacked on the head!

  6. Sorry about the concussion! I hate it when the ground attacks with pipes. Given that I’ve been whacking the hell out of ice with a 20 pound pry bar I’m surprised that I don’t have one. The dogs however, are a bit jumpy these days….

    Take care of yourself and take your time in recovery. It’s not like you pass a brain sale every day.

    1. I know. I completely missed the Brain Sale. Who knows when that chance will come again? I can picture you in your Ice Woman superhero outfit, hefting the massive pry bar…”take THAT, you annoying winter, and THAT.”

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