Did the Policy Say Acts of God…or Acts of Dog…?

It started with The Magic Window.

Mmmm...tasty...or do I chase these?

Mmmm…tasty…or do I chase these?

After years of completely ignoring Shaun’s Giant Magic Window, Christmas has turned nightly TV watching into a vigorous aerobic exercise affectionately named “Save the Television.”

Bye Bye delightful Couch Potato-hood.

Can we claim we thought our homeowner’s policy stated coverage for “Acts of Dog” before we signed?

Christmas was severely malnourished when he adopted us.  We made the (in hindsight) disastrous decision to provide top quality dog food. His vision dramatically improved. How could this not be good?

Here’s how: he now understands we have a Magic Window.

He’s mesmerized.

I don't know what these things are, but they're in my house.

I don’t know what these things are, but they’re in my house.

Um. Do you not see the problem?  THERE IS A GRIZZLY in our livingroom!

Um. Mom?  Helllllooooo…monster dog in living room!

IMG_3966

What’s happening? Is that a cat? Why is it chasing a ball?

IMG_3967

Weirdest dog fight ever.

Uh. Oh.

HOLY CRAP!!!!

IMG_3979

Giant Seagull. I’ll bark ferociously and attack. Back me up here!

(We barely saved the TV from the eagle incident.)

IMG_3949

This dog is okay. She has puppies in her cave. Puppies good. My mom had soft eyes.

We tried Dog TV, mistakenly thinking he might enjoy watching dogs do stuff.  Disastor. Mega Aerobic Dog Tackling session.  Apparently we are a single dog family.

He has favorite programs:

  •  Anything on the Food Network. (Understandable?)
  • Grey’s Anatomy.
  • The Olympics

It makes me sad he doesn’t like to watch The Big Bang.  It’s my favorite.

There is one thing he loathes above all others:

geico-gecko

The Geico lizard. Copyright: Geico. Most Dangerous Animal on Planet. The only way to peel Christmas away is to turn the TV off first, then tackle.  It’s wrecking havoc on our reflexes.

The other night he woke me up at 3 am to go out.

He didn’t want to use the facilities.  He marched into the living room, plopped down in front of the TV, and turned his head to look at me, both imploring and impatient.

Turn it on please.

It took all I had not to throw the remote at him.  (Afterall, he might learn how to use it.)

I’m afraid he’s going to discover the computer…

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23 thoughts on “Did the Policy Say Acts of God…or Acts of Dog…?

  1. Anonymous

    We had Border Collie named Elvis. He finally figured it all out (like they do) by looking behind the TV. He got bored after that. Before his little discovery, TV – esp. dogs and dog noises – were the most amazing thing ever. Actually, Elvis was the most amazing thing ever.

    Reply
  2. Calm, Forward, Straight

    I briefly toyed with the idea of a potbelly pig companion, back when they first started living with humans…

    Until I saw video of a family sitting down on the sofa after supper (avec pig) for a little idiot box indulgence. When the human family members dared to change the channel from the pig’s show of choice, he immediately launched himself off the couch (in itself disturbing enough) and circled the family squealing at the top of his lungs.

    The mayhem ceased promptly once the favored show reappeared.

    My cats love the television (nature shows). The dog prefers youtube.

    Reply
  3. Laura

    Too funny 🙂 We’ve got 5 rescues, but it’s the 80 pound pitbull mix (who’s convinced he’s a lap dog) loves the AKC/Eukanuba dog show, he’s fascinated. It’s a good thing my husband had the new flat screen hung on the wall. Our Buddy also competes in dog agility with me and we thought he was going to lose his mind and leap at the TV when they showed the AKC agility competition. I don’t know if he thought he could do a better job or ?

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      It’s SO funny (he keeps trying), but I don’t think it’s funny at 2 or 3 am. He started doing it during the day: it drives him crazy if we sit in the living room without turning on the magic window. He dashes over to one of us, bumps us on the leg, runs back too the TV, plops down and stares at it intensely. He thinks we are very very sloooooooow to understand him. 😉

      Reply
  4. Sharon

    Wonderful tales of Christmas ! I needed a laugh this morning and all I can say is better you than I. I agree a wall mount would save the tv.
    Your stories never fail to give me a chuckle.

    Reply
  5. Teresa

    okay that he woke you up to turn on the TV gave me the giggles!! Friends of ours had a Cairn Terrier that loved Tv. They used to put on movies when the went out. I think “The Incredible Journey” was his favourite.

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Never having a dog who showed the slightest interest in TV, I have to agree with you. :). I’m not sure if we help create strange animals or are simply attracted to latent oddity that is already present? (Special place in the heart for oddity!)

      Reply
  6. AareneX

    Santa Jim sez: Hmmm. Maybe we don’t need a big TV after all….

    Fortunately, Roo (the spoon of the family–as in, “not the sharpest knife in the drawer”) is hard-of-seeing. No premium sight-preserving food for HER!

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      I do have to wonder. When we got him, he didn’t know what to do, or how to behave. Completely dog oriented, couldn’t concieve of what living with people consisted of. I frequently felt like I was being studied by a canine social scientist. I’m convinced he’s transitioned to being human.

      Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      It’s hilarious for 3 seconds: just before you realize he’s willing to sacrafice his life for you, attack the grizzly bear (and smash the TV) to save you for mauling and certain death. The feelings kind go like this: ha ha ha ha OMG he’s saving us Awwwwwww GRAB THE DOG GRAB THE DOG!!!! 😉

      Reply

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