Hudson Explains His Very Good Reason (which sounds very Winnie-the-Pooh-ish)

Dear Smart People Who Are Not Jane,

There’s a reason I mess with Jane. Via messing with Phil, who, face it, is über FUN to mess with. I mean, c’mon.  If you were stuck hanging out with a Phil, could you resist turning your head casually, and saying a bored: “Booga booga”?

Or “I think there’s a skunk in the bottom of your hay…”?

Of course I’m scaring him when Jane isn’t around.  Frankly, setting him off over nothing is just too much fun to resist.

My latest episode of admittedly over-the-top phreaking out of Phil was precipitated by little pointy party hats.  Complete with chin elastic.

I had a birthday.

Oh.
Yay.

The one day of the year I get to look completely stupid. I’m the handsome horse on the left. The messy human staring into the sun (she’s not very bright) is Jane.  The gorgeous babe rocking the stupid pointy hat (Chicks can do this.  I don’t get it either.) is Ginger, with her tidy and photogenic human, Laurie.

Please take notes, Jane. A little make-up goes a long way.  Tidy up, please.

Goody. I've always wanted a paper cone on my head. Party. Hearty.

Goody. I’ve always wanted a paper cone on my head.

Thank you for listening.  Can any of you help Jane develop some horse savvy?  For instance: We Do Not Put Party Hats On Horses Who Are Not Phil.

nudge,

Hudson

p.s. There’s one more letter, for Jane.

Dear Jane,

Ginger and I have proven to be excellent sports. Please destroy the Winnie-the-Pooh hats.

Now.

Disney's adaptation of Stephen Slesinger, Inc....

Seriously? You thought I’d tolerate an infantile, spelling-impaired, honey-obsessed, bear on my head?(Photo credit: Wikipedia, Copyright:Disney)

I’m enjoying the daily warming massage therapy on my knee, which frankly, I don’t think looks all that bad? Why all the fuss? It doesn’t hurt. At all. If it did, I would have torn you to shreds already. And the Not-Galloping is making me grumpy, FYI.  This is not good for your future.

The ice water massage boot is interesting. For about three seconds. You thought I was yawning for 20 minutes because it felt good?  I was bored OUT OF MY MIND. (But please, no singing.) You could fill those 20 minutes by peeling me some baby carrots, emperor style.

I need to know.  Does ultra-sound treatment on that knee involve more Jane-Singing?  I guarantee you that knee, should you sing, will explode. But not before I take a chunk out of your shoulder.

The real reason for my letter: I don’t understand this birthday obsession you humans have. I was pleasantly surprised that you considered what I, not you, would like for my birthday.

  1. I do not want to be clean.  Clean is bad.  Thank you for letting me roll and roll and roll.
  2. I do love a clean water trough.  Nice of you to scrub it out.
  3. Of course I love carrots.  And food. Thank you for happily providing both.

You are not off the hook for the party hat photo.  Please consider my recent flare-up of Phil Phreaking Out a warning shot across your bow. If you do not cease, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

(I can make him afraid of cookies.  Do not tempt me.)

Nudge,

Hudson

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Hudson Explains His Very Good Reason (which sounds very Winnie-the-Pooh-ish)

  1. Sissa

    To Hudson’s relief (or scare) there are worse ways of playing dress-up as a horse. Google sports a collection of ponies with floaties around their necks and unicorn horns danging on their foreheads…. so, I say: It could be worse. A lot worse. Hat is (almost) nothing.

    Reply
  2. Teresa

    Dear Hudson, I have so far endured St Paddy’s day hats (it seems that since my name is “Irish” it’s rquired. Steele made quite a lot of fun of me). All of us (including the dogs. Only the cat successfully resisted) had to wear Santa Hats – apparrently for a Christmas Card. That was bad enough but of course she had to post it on the INTERNET. We have not yet been subjected to Birthday Hats.

    But I think you should lay off Phil. Speaking on behalf of high strung chestnuts everywhere we are genetically tuned in to see the dangers that others miss. I’m not making it up, it’s science. It seems that only I can see what lurks underneath the cute exterior of a mini. they are evil I tell you, EVIL!

    Sincerely Irish

    Reply
  3. GreyHorseMatters

    Happy Birthday Hudson! You are a handsome guy, however, you do look a little bit like a sissy in that hat. I was thinking about putting a poster of your hunky self in my stall but now I’m reconsidering. Unless you lose the hat…
    Dusty ( mare extraordinaire)

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Dear Dusty,
      You are a lovely golden poster girl. If my heart weren’t already taken (I’m sure she reads the comments) I would be completely smitten by you. How undignified to wear the hat. I’ll see if I can get Jane…or someone with more sense…to capture me in a hunky, manly pose. For Ginger, of course…
      (But I’ll send you one too!)
      Nudge,
      Hudson

      Reply
  4. Marissa Q.

    Yo, Hudson:

    I recommend adopting The Giraffe Pose whenever your human tries to put something embarrassing on your head. It has saved me from wearing the following ridiculous items: birthday hats, santa hats, reindeer ears, tiaras, and once – I kid you not – a feather boa. I’m a guy. I like rolling in dirt and checking out mares. I don’t do dress-up. My human needs to get herself some My Little Ponies if she wants a horse that looks like a princess.

    — Tucker

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Giraffe Pose is a good one, Tucker. I do that daily to resist Jane’s obsession with wiping my face with a wet towel. I suppose I’m lucky that Jane does this so rarely – unlike the towel – that I forget to resist in the moment. I don’t do dress up either. I’ve found asking Jane “Are you ten, or are you a grown woman?” will occasionally bring her to her senses. Make that ‘rarely’.
      sigh.
      Nudge,
      Hudson

      Reply
  5. Laurie

    Ginger here…”Dear Jane, while the pointy hat looked good on me, I have to agree with Hudson. This was most humiliating. Did you see the other horses smirking at us? As boss mare of the barn, I have an image to uphold. Being a mare, I am waiting until my human least expects it, then I will exact me revenge.”

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      My dear, you looked utterly delightful. I know of no other mare who has the panache to carry off a pointy party hat with such aplomb. Bravo, Ginger, bravo! (I think they were smirking at me, you are far to lovely to be on the recieving end of a smirk.
      whuffle,
      Hudson

      Reply
  6. Sue

    Dear Hudson:
    What jenj said in her first graf. Phil may start getting all the GOOD attention, like carrots and cookies. Best to work on making him boring to retain your fair share (99%) of goodies.

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Boring…hmmm. I believe I am feeling challenged by this idea. I know I could turn him into a total fruitcake – it’s one of my superpowers – but to make him boring? Hmmmmm….
      Thank you. I will think on this wonderful concept.
      Nudge,
      Hudson

      Reply
  7. jenj

    Dear Hudson. RE messing with Phil, all I can say is that Karma’s a beotch. Better be nice – otherwise, you’re likely to be reincarnated as a Phil the next time around!

    RE your second letter, Cash agrees vehemently with #1. Also with #2. And #3. But he suggests you branch out a bit. Try some granola bars, and some grape. French fries. It IS your birthday after all. Best see what you can mooch out of Jane while you have an excuse!

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Ah. I knew Jane had some very smart readers. (I wasn’t quite sure why you were here, but naturally was very happy.) Cash, thank you. I will put those food items on paper and into the “suggestion” box I’ve installed (for Jane) in my paddock. Jenj, I am not sure what is this ‘Karma’? I don’t believe there is anything in the world that could turn me into a Phil? It is the first truly frightening thought I have had. I almost liked him, but Jane beat me to it, so now I have to dislike him, whether I like him or not. Jane insists my feelings will change. Poor thing. Well, she tries.
      Nudge,
      Hudson

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s