When Your Horse Is Smarter Than You…

You get trained.  Well Trained.

I take some comfort that I know I’ve been trained.

It only takes me hours to figure it out.

Returning Hudson back to his paddock, I stopped short and smacked myself on the forehead with the flat of my palm: Jane! You did not teach Hudson to pick up his sore hoof using carrots as a reward.  

Hudson taught YOU to give HIM carrots on demand, by firmly planting that hoof until a carrot was waiting to be offered.

Oh. No. No no no no NO. Seriously? Please, please, PLEASE let me be wrong.

I immediately turn around and reach for his ‘Sore’ Hoof.

Hudson immediately shifts 1100 pounds to the Hoof He Can’t Bear to Lift…

…while he activates his carrot scanner, turning his neck toward me and whuffling the air near my back pocket.

DANG it. He got me. Again.

This is the third or fourth time I’ve belatedly realized I’ve been trained.  It’s embarrassing. I’ve never been the owner who gets trained. I’ve always been the bossy owner: Stand still! Feint a bite in my direction while I tighten the girth and you die! Hoof, NOW. Don’t even look at that grass while I’m leading you.

I wonder if he and his pals in Mensa Equine trade Dumb Owner jokes in secret meetings. He has the intelligence, will, and scientific curiosity to finagle himself into being the dictator of a small country.

Uh.

Insight: I’m the small country.

(Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to unload 100 pounds of carrots out of the trunk, and six giant tubs of Mrs. Pasture’s cookies….I think I feel the need to throw away all the worming paste too.)

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22 thoughts on “When Your Horse Is Smarter Than You…

  1. Laura

    I am glad to see I am not the only one who has been “trained” 🙂 My “diva like” TB mare has done a good job she thinks. You have to catch her a certain way in the pasture-there’s a reason she lives in her leather halter. My trainer’s daughter still thinks I need to call the horse psychic, I’m kind of scared too. It’s not that she doesn’t like me (I’ve seen proof of someone else riding her, and it’s not pretty) I’m worried that she would blow thru my paycheck in a short fashion, cause she wouldn’t stop talking to the psychic 🙂

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      You cracked me up: “she’d never stop talking!” Isn’t that the truth? I think most of us have horses that quite readily tell us exactly what they want, when they want it, and how they want it delivered. (Because it usually involves food, right?)

      I’m going with Marissa’s idea that we’re all simply extraordinarily perceptive and sensitive to our horses, er, “needs”. I can work with that! 😉

      Reply
  2. Halt Near X

    I thought it was a bad idea to let my cats set up a mail-order “How to Train Your Humans” course, but they assured me I was wrong. Just like I was wrong about the idea that they would do the actual fetching in a game of fetch, and just like I thought I was wrong when I wanted to sleep in three minutes past their breakfast time, and just like I thought I was wrong when…

    Reply
  3. Marissa Q.

    I like to think I haven’t been “trained,” I’m just incredibly perceptive and sensitive to my horse’s needs. Then again, he’s probably trained me to feel that way.

    Reply
  4. Misty

    Ha ha, oh that Hudson! We’re all “trained” by our animals in a similar fashion, I’m sure, but your smart horse takes the cake! 😉

    Reply
  5. Sarah Wakefield Kinninger

    Dassah has just finished up her latest research study on causal relationships with nickering. Apparently carrots are readily proffered upon commencement of nickering. She’ll be publishing her results in the upcoming edition of The Equine Masters Journal.

    Reply
  6. Liz Goldsmith

    At least Hudson is a benevolent dictator. I’ve seen a few ponies who ruled their owners with an iron hoof!

    Reply
  7. Barbara

    It was just a riddle. What is the answer to … how to pick up a foot?
    Offer a carrot.
    You won!
    Sometimes I have to really reach for victory.

    Reply
  8. annablakeblog

    A friend of mine fears that a coast-to-coast horse van will arrive in her yard with computer-generated paperwork to take away her gelding, while her mare seems passively interested in the far corner of their pen. She thinks the mare is trying to stabilize the carrot supply in their small ‘country’ by deporting illegal immigrant geldings.
    This pathetic attempt to cheer Hudson’s personal servant is meant to say, it could be worse.

    Reply

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