A Dignified Horse’s Dilemma

Hudson here.

It’s that time of year when I am about to get body clipped.  I enjoy a good shave. It’s much more comfortable to work out in winter if I have less hair. Currently, it’s also quite hot during the day, and losing the fur coat would be a relief.  However, I have a problem.

Her name is Jane.

This is my butt after being clipped last winter:

I was a gentleman.  She IS basically twelve.  I was her new pony. She wanted hearts. I got hearts. I consider myself lucky she did not want pink hearts.

It’s a year later. Honestly, we should be over the New Pony stage of ownership.

Jane has not progressed. She still hangs on me, tells me all her angst (Not. Listening.) and is obsessive about grooming.  Fine. I am dealing.

I heard her talking to Bella yesterday about body clipping, they were trying to decide which “Tatts” to put on Dinero and myself.  I’m good with tattoos, they make a dude look cool.

But.

Jane said, “Oh…I don’t know…I’m still attached to the hearts.  I can’t think of anything I like better?”

HELP. I don’t think I could cope with another year of hearts on my butt. You have no idea what it’s like around the other geldings. Especially if I attend roping practice. Dressage geldings appear to be somewhat….Meterosexual…in their masculinity, and put up with quite a bit of flowery crap.

Cow horses are a macho bunch. I went from being The Super Star roping horse to The Horse with Hearts. Oh, they all understand “New Pony” issues. But, um, their humans progress, and move on. Unlike mine.

Save me. Please.

Ideas???

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28 thoughts on “A Dignified Horse’s Dilemma

  1. Jane

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hudson, I’m sorry but not so much. C’mon. You know how it goes. It’s how you pull it off. The more you whine about it, the more your buddies will know you are insecure. Bet they don’t realize it’s the best way to get the girls oggling at your attractive rear.

    Personally, I vote for stripes. Rarrr.

    Reply
  2. Sue

    I vote for the steer skull. Very macho, with the added feature of ensuring the bovines are pre-warned not to challenge your direction.

    Reply
  3. Oregon Sunshine

    Poor Hudson! I’m sure Casey knows how you feel. You see, I dress him in pink. I like pink. I don’t think he really cares about color choices one way or the other. But, my landlord, and old timey horse guy from Louisiana, often tells me, in his Cajun accent, “You’re gonna make that horse GAY, Honey!”. I don’t think so. But maybe, perhaps, my dressing poor, tolerant Casey in pink has something to do with fighting against the bias. Do you think I should shoot for rainbow colored now? 😉

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Funny! Now I can tell Hudson he’s fighting for social justice when I come home with a pink halter…what a great idea. 😉 (Be prepared for a sharp email from Hudson, if he ever finds out who suggested it.)

      People’s perceptions are interesting. I always think it takes a much more macho guy (gay or straight) to wear pink if they like the color. They have to be really sure of themselves, and not care what people think. Because we know they’re gonna hear about it! The ultimate in macho, IMO.

      Reply
      1. Oregon Sunshine

        I look forward to the verbal sparring with Hudson! I’m sure Casey will come to my defense. After all, if a macho QH can wear pink AND still have the respect of the mixed herd he leads, Hudson can deal with a little pink too, right?

        Reply
  4. heccateisis

    JIgs says: I feel your pain. Last year my clumsy person got clipper happy and made a huge heart on my shoulder to cover it up….. I had to go to a clinic like that……

    WHAT I should HAVE done is STEP ON THE CLIPPERS and broken them…….

    Reply
  5. Laurie

    Or a manly alternative – I HEART SYMBOL Mom…manly enough for Hudson and Jane gets her heart.
    Oh and Hudson if you’re reading this, Ginger was absolutely mortified you saw her unkempt and in the wash rack. I know you have enough couth to pretend you didn’t see a thing. She’s getting clipped this week too would like a date as soon as she has her styling team does their magic. For the record, she thinks you are macho enough to pull of the hearts.

    Reply
    1. Hudson

      Ginger? She was in the wash rack? Please tell her I don’t know how I missed her, and apologize for me. She’s a knock out even with a little winter mud…it adds to her rakish, devil may care attitude, which I love. Hmm. I would wear a heart for Ginger. If she likes them, that is.

      I think, *prolonged eye roll* Jane has decided to turn me into a Indian pony. She was researching symbols from her heritage. I may get a bear paw (with claws!) on my butt. I can so live with that. Thank God she was not born into the Turtle Clan. No turtles on a butt build for speed!

      Reply
  6. Annette

    I agree on the steer skull. Something like this, though maybe with shorter horns just for practicality. You know, shorter horns make your butt look stronger.

    Reply
  7. funder

    Rainbow! Leave alternating fuzzy/clipped arches. Add a cloud at the end. Hudson can kick anyone who says it’s not manly enough.

    Reply
  8. nowthatsatrot

    Willie says: They never get over the New Pony stage. Your best bet is to suddenly detect a fly that you ABSOLUTELY MUST REMOVE just as the clippers are etching out the heart shape. It is worth the mild disappointment of no longer being a Perfect Pony who Stands Perfectly Still Always. (Caveat: may result in loss of cookie privileges.)

    Reply
  9. Tullae

    Shave a big six pointed star into his butt. He can think it’s some kind of western sheriff symbol or something, but we’ll really know it’s a My Little Pony “Cutie Mark”.

    Reply

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