Another Paddock Heard From…

Dear Jane,

You may remember me? We met many years ago.

This is your horse, Hudson.

As an extra incentive to get you to hang out with me, I’d like to point out that I have dirt on my butt.

Yes. Dirt.

And I do believe my coat is getting…dull. I may also be developing a slight case of thrush.

When the foal came, I thought, THANK GOD: Jane will have something else to dote on! She’ll ignore me, throw the tack on, and we’ll skip right to the part that includes galloping.

I had no idea you could dote twice as much.

What rider, when short on time…grooms?

I need a moment to gather my thoughts. I thought I knew exactly how I was going to discuss this issue. Ah well. Perhaps tact is over rated.

Since I’ve already hacked into your computer, I’ve left you a brand new welcome screen. You’ll see it when you boot up in the morning.  On it, you will find the barn’s address and phone number, complete with Google map, and a large, detailed, photograph of yours truly, tacked up. You will not be able to access your hard drive until you click on the carrots.

You will not be able to access your blog until you click on the Mrs. Pasture’s cookie bag.

Hinting?  Me?

Um. You do remember how to ride, right?

I heard Bella shocking you with the story that I would not let her catch me in turnout. Yes.  I deliberately acted out of character, knowing she’d mention this.

Attention, please. I need to be ridden.  A lot.

Bella just came home from the World Weight Lifting Championships, where she not only broke the former world record in dead lifts, she set a new world record: 320 lbs.  Since she was the former world record holder, this means she broke her own record. (BTW, Congratulations, Bella! YOU know how to work. P.S. your trophy cup would hold a large amount of cookies, and look stunning in our paddock.  Perhaps  you would consider displaying it with us?)

Sorry, I digress.  Point: The first thing Bella did when she came home (after carrying her trophy into the house) was RIDE.

Could we learn from this please?

Doll up Barbie and dote on the baby.

When you come see me, scrape dirt off in a saddle pad sized area, toss on the tack, and let’s GO, K?

However, I do find the rehydrating spray soothing on my face.  If you would like to continue wiping it on, that works for me. Oh.  Refill the fly spray bottle.  We’re getting close to Annoying Season.

Please look long and hard at included visual aids:

(nudge)

Hudson

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “Another Paddock Heard From…

  1. backgroundbird

    LOVED THIS. I can’t even put into words how much I loved this and how clever it is. I can’t tell you how many times I picture thoughts like this running through my horse’s head–oh wait, I can, it’s every time I see him, and some times I don’t. I’ll be following from now on! Keep up the writing excellence and thanks for the laughter! Hudson, I really hope you get your cookies.

    Reply
  2. Jenn

    OMG. How funny is Hudson and Tucker? LOVE IT. LOVE IT. LOVE IT!! Hudson, your writing style is quite something – never ceases to make me laugh right out loud – and your Mom too!

    Wish I’d found this blog earlier…would have really cheered me up while I recuperated from 7 broken ribs, collapsed lung, and broken hand … of course totally horse related. Just back on FINALLY last week!

    Can’t wait to hear more stories!

    Jenn, ON Canada

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Lord. When those two start talking it’s time to double check the bolts on the gates.
      And YAY to your recovery!!
      7 broken ribs??? I broke two, it hurt much more than I thought it should (horse people, we never think it’s gonna hurt THAT bad) and I thought I was gonna die. I don’t think I slept for 2 weeks, it hurt too much to lie down. SEVEN?
      A collapsed lung? Ahhhh.
      Woman of steel.
      Oh, there will be lots more stories. Lots. LIke how I am gonna KILL Hudson for attempting (today) airs above the ground in a low pipe-ceiling-ed, cement-paved aisle way. That is SO not Hudson. Kill.

      Reply
      1. Jenn

        Hudson…ahhh what a card lol! I have my sister addicted to your blog now too and she’s not even ‘horsey.’ She particularly liked the blog on the medical advantage of duct tape! She wrapped my xmas presents in that one year…grr!

        It does hurt eh? I think no one really appreciates just how bad broken ribs hurt until the have one…or 7! Took me 4 months to go back to work and I just got back on my horse 3 weeks ago…felt like home 🙂

        Horsey people who GET it: “Are ya back on the horse yet? How about now? Now????”

        Non Horsey people: You got back on the horse???? Are you crazy” Insert look of disbelief, shock and disgust here.

        Yep, crazy and lovin’ it! 🙂

        Reply
  3. Irish

    what’s wrong with brushing? I love a good gallop as much as the next horse (I am half thoroughbred after all) but a horse has to look good. I make sure that at every show the judge sees my beautiful flaxen tail. 😀

    Teresa knows how to find all those scritchy spots and it just feels so good!!!!

    Reply
    1. Hudson

      I like a good swipe with a brush as much as the next horse. It’s the OCD rubbing and brushing and spraying and combing and wiping me off with a towel? That’s just…weird.

      I’m a bit afraid to admit I like the grooming now. If it’s this bad when I told her I hated it, what will it go to if I say I like it? Today, finally, I got a nice shave. Short stubble is good for chick attraction, but the long stuff just makes a guy look old.

      Reply
  4. Tucker

    Yo, Hudson. Totally feel you, man. I have been polished and shined within an inch of my life. (Dude, seriously, check out my blog. Pretty sure you can see the reflection of the grass in shoulder. So lame. Doesn’t she know the chicks dig a little mud?) But the riding? She’s got this whole crazy plan, something about me not being “fit” (Since when do we ever get unfit? We are men of action, up for anything, anytime, anywhere. Am I right?), and I kid you not — I have been WALKING for weeks, with a few minutes of trotting thrown in once in a while. I have no idea how she’s not so bored up there that she falls off. I have to imagine stuff to spook at just so I don’t fall asleep. It’s horse show season and we’re wandering around in circles like a couple of dopes. Haven’t even been on the horse trailer in TWO MONTHS. I’ve got total stable-fever. And forget jumping anything. I swear it’s like she forgot how. I may have to write her a letter too. Can you get wi-fi hooked up in a stall?

    Oh and by the way, tell Barbie her kid’s adorable. And call me. Love those hunter chicks.

    Reply
    1. Hudson

      I knew if I mentioned the magic word, which appears to be “dirt”, Jane would break the speed limit getting here.

      Who cares about dirt? Happy to have an ally to back me up. Thanks, dude.

      Walking for WEEKS? Duuuuuude. That stinks. Send your mom one of those helmet cam videos of Henny taking a jump. She’ll start twitching and you’ll be up and over in no time.

      Stalls are no good for Wi-fi man: if the cleaning crew finds it you’re done for. They’ll start sweeping for bugs. Much easier to hide a hook up in the pasture. I have mine piggy-backing off Bella’s computer in her house, just 50 feet from my paddock. (I got tired of squeezing through the bathroom window.)

      I’m gonna ship you the electronics and instructions. See if you can set it up hidden in your turn out. Then we’ll go over hacking. We’re horses. We know how to hack. Piece of cake. You’ll be in her blog in no time. Bonus points if the person living on the property has a cat in the main house. They’re great with keyboards, and can be bribed to type. Memorize this word: “tuna”. Cat is all yours.

      Will do on Barbie. She loves a guy that can take a jump.

      Reply
  5. Mackenzie | Red Roan Chronicles

    I lol’ed. A lot. 😀 Horses the world over feel your pain, Hudson. Although I suspect many of them would write notes like this asking their riders NOT to ride. We could just as easily leave the cookies and let them be to enjoy the spring sunshine. 😀

    Reply
        1. Hudson

          Clearly I have misjudged your character, and you are one with Infinite Horse-Mind. I apologize for jumping to conclusions, you are a rare human. Please know you are welcome in my paddock any time. I will even share my carrots and Mrs. Pasture’s with you, should The Other Jane, who is failing at Infinite Horse-Mind, ever provide me any.

          Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s