Barbie’s Jail Journal

Day 338: I don’t know what I’ve done. I’ve been removed from my big paddock – in which there is grass – and as much mud as a pampered girl like me needs. Forget facials. I like full-body mud treatments. I doubt my roomate Angel got me evicted, she liked me. Plus, how many clunky draft horses get to room with super models?

I stare at the four walls.  Bars on the windows. Lock on the door. I’m not the only horse in this…jail. Can’t talk to other inmates, or I’d ask why I’m in lock up. Must be a women’s prison.  Only mares.

Day 339: Thoroughly enjoyed torturing Daisy.  I paced all night and sweated up a storm! Ha. I look like I’ve dropped 100 pounds.  She doesn’t need to know it’s an optical illusion. I hope it will make her put me back on grass.

Day 341: Gave up pacing.  Boooooring. Fine.  I’m inside.  No one will tell me what is going on. The mare across the way got a new roommate overnight, like IN her cell. I suppose there’s enough room.  The new horse is a midget. Phew. The mare stinks.

Day 345: I get to go out in the “exercise yard” during the day, but only if it’s not raining. What?  Like I haven’t lived in rain my whole life?  What is it about humans?  Did they all look up at the sky and nearly drown as children?  They’re rain phobic.

Day 347: They put a mare and a midget in the paddock next to mine.  I pinned my ears and charged them.  So? I was bored. My hooves need to be done. I can’t stand not having them filed properly. Where’s the farrier?

Day 350: Geeze, visiting hours in this place are sooo random. I get no one for a whole day, then ten people show up (I don’t even know them all) and want to visit. And they all talk like I’m terrific. If I’m so terrific, why am I in lock up?  Next time I get out? Gonna pick the warden’s pocket, call Hudson.  He’ll get me out.

Day…Oh who knows: Auntie Jane shows up in the mornings now, and I get outside visiting privileges.  I thought only my mom had those.  Auntie Jane appears to be obsessed with grooming, but god knows I could use some of that in here.  Helllooooo….Supermodel Princess mistakenly locked up! I tried to politely communicate the mistake by staring in the direction of my paddock. She took me that way to eat grass. She’s slow, but good hearted. Then she tried to walk me back to jail!! Um. No.  (Humans. So dense.) I yanked her off her feet, and started walking leisurely back to paddock. Did it get through? NO. Back to the cell. Simpletons.  They’re all simpletons.

Day…Whenever Hudson wrote me: I’d want to stay in here?  Copy of myself? What the heck is he talking about?!? Babbling on about geldings standing around.  Of course they’d stand around.  I’m beautiful.  Normal. He said  he’d come get me if I still wanted him to…but now I want to know why he thinks I should be here. Plus. Um. Mom is bringing in whole bags of grain every day.  I get to eat as much as I want. At this point, I kinda don’t care if it’s a ruse to keep me quiet.  It’s Sweet Feed. Yum.

Day Yesterday: My private doctor came by.  Thank god.  She knows I don’t belong in jail. She said “…probably next week..” so I’m guessing that’s when I get out. I wonder if I can get mom to keep up the 25 lb bags of grain outside? She also told me, which I know, but is nice to hear again, that I look pretty. Of course I do.  I’m me.

Day 364: Auntie Jane said, “it’s day 364” like that’s some big deal. Whoopdeedoo.

Whoa, she talks a LOT when she is grooming. This is sad: I think she’s losing connection with reality.  Or her eyesight is going. Instead of talking to my ear?  She’s talking to my stomach.  How weird is that? She told my stomach tomorrow is the big day – whatever that means – but whenever I felt like it would be fine.

Tomorrow is day 365, which has some sort of mystical meaning for the bipeds.  I wonder if I will get 2 bags of grain tomorrow.  They usually celebrate Impossible to Understand Events with food. If the events weren’t so random (their events are TOTALLY random, you never know when one is coming.) I might be able to figure this out.

God, I just want a good roll, a mud bath, pedicure, maybe teeth whitening? And my personal servants to shine me up.  I think it’s that time of the month.  I’m all bloated. Yuck.

13 thoughts on “Barbie’s Jail Journal

  1. I am so excited for Barbie! I wish Barbie were more excited for Barbie! Just wait until she realizes that the little midget will attract lots of treats and attention and I’m sure she’ll adjust!

  2. My first foal (when I was 16) was a 375 day gestation. Talk about being on pins and needles! I now know that the “average” gestation is ~340-342 days, but that mares can (and do) go 3-4 weeks on either side of that “date” with surprising regularity. See:

    (The original file is no longer at that location on the server, and I haven’t been able to locate it on the new server, but thanks to, we can still access it!)

  3. I think Barbie did a long distance “I’ve had this growth how long???!!!”
    Her feed got increased again today. I swear by the time I get there after work I only have conversations with her belly and back end because her face is deep in feed. Lol
    Thanks everyone for your participation!!! The news will keep flowing!!
    Daisy and Barbie. And baby Barbie.

  4. I’m laughing over my dumb error: I did a writerly thing instead of a horseman’s thing: I looked up the date she went to the AI clinic, and counted from there. She didn’t take the first cycle, she was there for a month. We’re good!

  5. I was wondering about the full year, too–I usually figured 11 months, and it was always close to that (never more than a week either way).
    I’m concerned with Barbie’s attitude toward her cell-mate’s midget. Hopefully she’ll get a clue soon.

  6. I am so excited for the new baby! My new barn doesn’t have a single baby on the way, and I miss those little faces. I have to make do with MareStare and vicarious living 😦

    1. Yup. Auntie Jane is totally losing it. She never could count.
      But you’d think she’d put together “11 month gestation period” with “there are 365 days in 12 months“, and come up with something less than 365.

  7. Um. Is Barbie 365 days from the LAST insemination? The last one is the one that counts … 12-month foals aren’t super rare — but they are uncommon, and very uncommon with maidens … 😀

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