- I called my mommy.
- I didn’t ask her to come take care of me.
- I had to work to not ask an 83-year-old woman to drive 2 hours in a storm to tell me I would be fine.
- I went bowling for Zombies.
- My doctor told me I’m better. She said I should be able to breathe again in 7 to 10 days.
- I can walk more than 8 feet.
- I’m wondering if these pajamas make me look fat. I didn’t care 4 days ago.
- I can be ten feet from the cough syrup without having an anxiety attack.
- I can focus on the TV screen, even if the plot eludes me.
- Yes, SpongeBob has plots.
- I ran out of wheat thins.
- When I’m better, I’ll tell you how that got me a free hotdog.
- And caused a massive shopping cart pile up.
- And turned two sane strangers into WWE style wrestlers, fighting above my prone body.
I wish I could say that is delirium talking, but it was just another day in my ridiculous life.