Saturday fun: go to Listful Thinking, and read How to use eHow to Turn Yourself into a Comedic Force to be Reckoned With. You have to admire a blogger who, in difficult situations, asks herself: “What Would Sid Vicious Do?”
I had no idea eHow could be so incredibly entertaining. I howled with laughter, thinking she was making this stuff up. But I clicked the links. Totally there.
You can type in “How to Look Like Pamela Anderson” and le voila.
I got so excited about the possibilities that my brain exploded, and I couldn’t think of a single thing I wanted to know how to do, when of course, I want to know how to do everything.
I mumble to self: just start typing…that’s right…how…to…
Whoa. This thing has autocomplete. I scan the autocomplete list for how-to-something interesting. Right at the top:
How To Get Pregnant: Access Step by Step Instructions!
Really? We need step by step instructions? “Access” is not a word you would use in a sentence to teach a child about pregnancy. This is aimed at adults. Since my brain is still on Egg Nog and Holiday Light Removal, I free associate:
How to Have a Virgin Birth
Scanning…scanning…Virgin Margaritas…Home Birth…Skit Ideas… (?) Call me crazy, but I can’t imagine a virgin birth skit being a top priority on summer camp Talent Night. Still scanning….Bingo.
Granted, you have to be a shark, which is a tad scary when you contemplate the only other known virgin birth. On the other hand, it might resolve the whole Darwin/Creation debate. The virgin birth coinciding with fishies climbing out of the water?
Life’s pressing questions have answers that await:
- How to keep your mother in law at a safe distance
- How to buy your first Yacht
- How to lie well
- How to determine your chances of becoming a billionaire
- How to stop eating cake
- How to train a fish
- How to whistle for a taxi with two fingers
- How to make friends with a horse
We know that one, but it’s nice to know it’s out there for the general public.
So. What did you ask?! I’m dying to know! Favorite answer?
(Head’s up: family blog.)