I don’t get to call myself a cat burglar. My B & E doesn’t pad on quiet little paws. My B & E clip-clops. I’m about as unobtrusive as a goat. (I had a busy week: 2 break-ins.)
Breaking and Entering #1
I text Daisy.
Jane: r u home yet?
Daisy: sadly, no. dr. appt.
Jane: Great. btw, I’m going to do a B & E on your house.
Daisy: do I care? (Not that it matters, you can break in whenever you want)
Jane: nah. you’re fine with it. I need you not to be home.
Daisy: ok. mammo takes @ hour, errands, then home…long enough?
Jane: Yup. have fun getting mashed.
Daisy: the joy is killing me.
Jane: planting subliminal msg: you are gonna be real hungry or real thirsty for something COLD when you get home.
Daisy: ??? Normal?
Jane: hoisting crowbar, singing hi ho hi ho it’s off to work we go…
Daisy: NO CROWBAR (right?)
The break-in goes seamlessly. I keep the chickens out and the cats in. Honestly, she should get surveillance cameras. Oh wait. She has bodyguards. The goats and sheep pat me down thoroughly before I’m halfway to her door. I am unarmed: they let me go. I sense chewing-disappointment: true, this shirt does look rather tasty. I rummage for forgotten horse cookies, and leave the bodyguards fighting over the spoils.
I plant the evidence quickly, and scramble out of there while the goats are still chewing.
I wait. A few hours later I get a feeler text. Daisy can’t figure out why I broke in, and she’s probing.
Daisy: did you have a good B & E?
Jane: lovely. (sheep are hungry, btw. goats ate it all.)
There’s a long pause.
Daisy: Was there a reason ?
Jane: kick your subliminal mind. you’re hungry.
Longer pause. Uh-oh. Sigh. She’s standing in front of the fridge with the door open, trying to figure out what I put in there.
Jane: Close the door.
Daisy: fine. closed.
Another long pause.
Jane: You feel a strong need to stare at the fridge door.
Short pause.
Daisy: WOW, what a great pic!! Thank you!!
Jane: We needed a 5 x 7 of Barbie’s belly for the fridge. Baby pictures.
Daisy: I love it!
Longish pause.
Jane: close the door! Geeze, I’m sorry. No food, really. My bad. Does Buddy’s Pizza deliver out there? I have on speed dial…
Daisy: NO. Great. Now I want pizza. NITE.
Daisy: (really do love the pic!)
Jane: I know. 🙂
Barbie’s Baby Bump, day 45:
The Literary Horse 
I have to admit it is a funny read! Keep up the sweet work!
Bay with white! I would love dark bay…but red bay is good too. Healthy with 4 legs and a brain is the best. 🙂
I thoroughly enjoyed this post and the picture! There is nothing quite like waiting for the first day of a baby horse’s life. I’m waiting for a birthday at my barn too.
How sweet to put a belly picture on the fridge. I’m sure she loved it after her mashing.
One a month would be great for the scrapbook. You do need to hone your B and E skills though to include junk food so she knows the Belly Bandit struck again and will be anxiously waiting for your next stealth visit.
If you ever burgle my place, be sure to bring an ice cream cone to appease the Guard Chicken. She likes chocolate.
Awwwww! I so wish I had pics of Secret’s pregnant belly with little Jules in there. The image is so vivid in my mind but I have nothing that captures it. Beautiful photo! (I think I see something with 4 white stockings in there, no?) 🙂
I’m knitting 4 little blue booties to go with the four white stockings on our (cross your fingers) beautiful little boy. I’m hoping for a red bay, I think Daisy is hoping for a dark bay. Having seen Popeye’s babies though (whispering) we may get a bright chestnut with tons of chrome!
I think we need a once a month belly photo. For the scrap book. 😉