I emailed Daisy, Bella, Molly and Grace about the fractured rib.
Daisy wants Jane Gets Impaled: The Video.
Bella was shocked and concerned. (Her experience with cracked ribs has more to do with major crashes: 2 ton bulls, an ornery steer, or a bad rotational in Eventing.) When I told her how it happened, she was no longer shocked (typical Jane accident) but still concerned. Very politely said she will not laugh. She will NOT laugh. She WILL NOT laugh! I AM NOT LAUGHING NOW.
I’m pretty sure she’s regretting loaning me her extra Gitmo roping knife until I can get one of my own.
Molly wants to know if I’m okay, can she do anything, and says not to worry, that Melody will be waiting.
Grace wants to know if I’m okay, AND she knows exactly what I need for my new sport, which she promptly helps name.
What new sport? The one I plan on lobbying to Olympic levels: Hurling At Horses (HAH, for short). I figure it will fall somewhere in the Eventing category.
What do we need?
Equestrian Airbags. I’m not kidding. You can buy an airbag here (it does make more sense to wear your airbag, rather than install it on the horse…) and slip it over your body protector. Should you abruptly part company from your horse, CO2 gas canisters go off and your airbag vest inflates in 0.1 second as you sail through the air. (That isn’t One Mississippi, that’s one tenth of One Mississippi.)
Think of how useful this would be on the trail, if you are riding, say, next to Class 4 rapids. Airbag-slash-life jacket! If only Alec had one in The Black Stallion.
Have a gander:
It has a sort of retro combat feel, don’t you think? Given my experience with Tacky Tack of the Day’s “Collection”, it will soon be available in glitter pink fringe with white leopard, hair-on cowhide spots, topped by a bedazzled air canister pocket. At the moment, it’s simply basic black.
#1 This is how you’d look ready to ride.
#2-3 This is how (presumably) you’d look after hurling yourself at a perfectly sensible horse for no reason in particular. I’m telling you, HAH is going to catch on. In anger management classes, if nothing else. Bouncing humans off your horse wouldn’t be a bad addition to your sacking out program, either.
Disclaimer: I know nothing – good or bad – about the safety and efficacy of this product. I’ll leave the research to y’all. I’m going for the humor here.