Testing…Testing…

Now starting the Jane Emergency broadcasting System.

Emergency Message #1: I-Can’t-Ride

Duck and cover.

Whine: but I don’t WANT to do sit ups!  I don’t FEEL like doing Pilates.

(What I want to do is eat, preferably followed by lolling with a book.)

I rode Pops last night, after being off him for a month.  His owner had the time to ride.  Lucky me, she’s timeless again.  Big horse, big movement.  If you are not in excellent shape in the abdominal department, it’s difficult to stay with the movement.  Pops requires a six-pack to pick up the trot.  What did Pops get?  Jello.  He flicked his ears at me in surprise.  You?

Me.

Sniffle sniffle.  Apparently, while the other horses I ride do require fitness, they do not require Fitness.  My solution was to, um, sort of skip the trot once he warmed up.  He has that off-the-track canter: effortless, rhythmic, happy to give me a couple of furlongs. It still requires great abs (which were not present) but balance goes a long way to compensate.

There was a trainer in the arena.  Working a horse.  Watching.  Very obviously refraining from commenting.  (Not my trainer.)

When it was all over, and we were both in the barn aisle taking care of our horses, she tried very  hard to come up with something positive to say.  I’m sure the image was burned into her retinas.

“It’s so great that you come out here and take care of all these horses”, she said, very kindly.

Ahhhhhh…sniffle, sniffle, wail, sob, rend.

I smiled back, grateful for her kindness: “Yeah I really sucked tonight, huh.  That was a nice thing to say, thanks.  I didn’t know I was that out of shape.”

We both laughed.

I thought I’d save the wailing for you guys.

I CAN’T RIDE………sob, I totally SUCKED!  In FRONT of someone who CAN ride!  And I hate working out!  And I have to!  And I feel like stomping my foot like a five-year old!

~end emergency broadcast~

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10 thoughts on “Testing…Testing…

  1. Michelle

    Lol! Lower the bar! Well, I love the IDEA of exercise, does that count? Unfortunately, I’m in a bit of a struggle at the moment as my addiction to (and recent acquisition of – See Chocolate post) large volumes of chocolate does not combine well with my aversion to the stair master. I am rapidly approaching the point where my horse runs from me and vertical/horizontal are my only options – no sitting! I need an intervention!

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Hmmm. Maybe I’ll bore you all to death with a daily update on my ability (or lack of) to work out?

      I re-introduced myself to the gym. It kinda gave me the cold shoulder (I never called, I never wrote…) but I think I can woo it back?

      Reply
  2. theliteraryhorse Post author

    You guys are great! You too Tamara…I definitely need the input of someone who loves to work out, as well as the consolation that I am not alone.

    I like my workouts to come in 4 hoof packages that frisk me for carrots. Going to the gym I can handle. I am on friendly terms with the treadmill.

    It’s the machines and weights that are out to get me…must stay as far away as possible….

    and THOSE are what I need to do. I’m gonna. And I’m going to try to (cringe) like it!

    Reply
  3. Tamara of In the Night Farm

    ROFL Love it. But you’re making me feel like a misfit! (Miss Fit?) Because I love working out. Seriously. I’m crazy about it. Or maybe just crazy. I’ll let you know how it pays off when I start riding again after taking the winter off. Permit me slink back into my cave, now…

    Reply
  4. Halt Near X

    Based on anecdotal stories and my own experience the past six months: every time your fitness increases, you go through a period where your balance/effectiveness actually decrease. You have to get used to the new you, so to speak.

    Therefor: exercise once or twice, and you have a built-in excuse: you’re *getting* fitter, and now you are going through “readjustment issues.” Any balance/fitness/effectiveness issues are totally not your fault.

    Reply
  5. goamwat

    I had one of those rides yesterday. I flopped and bounced and banged. It wasn’t pretty. I’m pretty convinced that I have no business ever being on the back of a horse and will completely RUIN any horse that I touch.

    Sadly, I think the horse agreed.

    Reply
  6. Aarene

    Pass the food, please. And a book? Thanks!

    I’m looking forward to Spring, when I’ll spend a lot more time on the trail and a lot less time eating.

    That’s the theory, anyhow….

    Sigh.

    Reply
  7. Breathe

    Working out sucks. It’s all that hamster wheel going nowhere feeling.

    Then again, being out of shape sucks worse. Today I got winded running up the steps. Yea. Time to get back in it.

    Reply
  8. lizgoldsmith

    Join the club! Ever since hunting season ended I’ve been getting more and more out of shape. Normally I swim but a shoulder injury kept me out of the pool for several months. This week, feeling like a total slug, I tried swimming again. It didn’t hurt! I can’t tell you what a relief it was. Freedom is probably sighing with relief too as I am not exactly in the jockey category weight wise even at the best of times!

    Reply
  9. solaris

    Do not feel alone. I hate exercise. HATE. Like I would rather stick a dull object into my own eyeballs rather than exercise. Thus far I have successfully avoided it. But I am just riding my not so big moving Appendix. Who is trained by me and so therefore expects nothing more than jello. My solution for not being able to reach the bar? Lower the bar… ROFL.

    Reply

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