Body Armor

Tis the season.

All of Jane’s favorite comestibles arrive in all their powdery, sugary, sparkly glory on her doorstep.  What is a sugar-addicted girl to do, if she wants to reach the end of December without every horse in the barn hating her guts?  Or if she wants to avoid the dreaded Earnest Comment from her spouse: you know, the one that strikes fear into the heart of every woman?

“Uhhh…honey…you look…great!  Yeah. Great!  No, really!  Hey, nice necklace.”

What is a girl to do?  She buys herself some protection.  Body armor.

This little iridescent number is my drill sergeant.  I had a close call last night, on my way home from the barn.  My car veered into the Lemon Cake Store parking lot.  My car likes me, and doesn’t understand food issues.  You need gas?  We’ll stop for gas! “No gas!  no gas!”, I say, veering back out into the street.  Life is complex when you are addicted to sugar and cocktail dresses.

As soon as I opened the back door, this dress would greet me: my own personal sugar bodyguard.

I’m going to wear a cocktail dress this holiday season if it kills me.

Who knew protection came in layers of chiffon?

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9 thoughts on “Body Armor

  1. Michelle

    Oooohhhh, it’s gorgeous! If it serves you well as a bodyguard, then congrats. I actually had reason to wear a cocktail dress this year, and couldn’t find a suitable bodyguard that was willing to actually DO something. I had to settle for convincing my ever growing boobs at the last minute that they actually DO want to remain safely entombed in their sheath and not come bursting forth at some inopportune time, ala Pam Anderson. Obviously, I didn’t choose the right bodyguard… or maybe I just waited too long to select one.

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      The dress didn’t keep me from declaring the 5 second rule on half a bag of spilled M & M’s (LUNCH!).

      I may have to move the dress into the kitchen.

      Hey! Yet another off-label use for polo wraps! 😉
      Do they make them in skin tone? Protected, yet warm.

      Reply
  2. Lisa

    I love it! But I would never be able to cope – I so love sweets!! (I’m writing this whilst licking the vanille puddingwhich dripped from the inside of my Austrian “Krapfen” off of my fingers so as not to make the keyboard any gooier than it already is).

    Hmmmmm. ‘Tis the season to be jolly…

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      I confess: I had a little cake accident. Didn’t see it coming. Sideswiped, but not too much damage.

      I hope.

      You have no idea how relieved I am to not be the only woman out there with a gooey keyboard.

      Reply
  3. AareneX

    drool. drool. drooooooooooooooool.

    The dress is as pretty as any sugar cookie I’ve ever seen. If it doesn’t work for you, send it to me. That little garment is Willpower on a Hanger.

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      *Willpower on a Hanger* Brilliant! I love that. 😉

      I’m trying mightily to lose the “my dad died” sugar hips (it’s called comfort food for a reason), and then bam, along comes the holidays, when we all need more comfort.

      I just stopped eating for recreation, and now I’m supposed to look good in a dress? Ahhhhhhhh

      Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Heck no! Think of all the protein in that Haagen-Dazs. I consider it milk in solid form. You’re stocking up on protein, and releasing endorphins via Lifetime holiday movies. You’re going to be *ready* for the holidays!

      We’re planning on watching “Home for the Holidays” to get ready for the extended family visit. That movie about covers it on the family dynamic front.

      Dress or no, I’m sure I’ll have a cake for dinner night. The dress is to prevent cake for dinner EVERY night.

      Reply

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