Mensa Horses

We talked about Special Needs horses, which of course made me think of their counterparts: horses with a combination of super high intelligence, independent, out of the box thinking,  light speed processing and logical conclusion skills that have left me in the dust.

(Unfortunately, I’m speaking both metaphorically and literally.)

A Tail of Two Horses is about one of the smartest horses I’ve ever known: Vladimir.  Or Vlad the Cad, as he was secretly referred to behind his back in the tack rooms.

Some horses are intelligent about learning, and pick up even complicated concepts  quickly, and we call them smart.  (And they are.)

Then there are horses who think far beyond what we ask of them, and in fact, learn everything with such ease, it feels as if only half their brains register your requests.

This is because only half their brain IS paying attention to you.  The other half is probably  calculating bucking angles, velocity, and geometric distances on how you would fall off at different gaits and bucking forces.  Just for fun.  Something to do on bored autopilot while sailing over the 4 footer or yawning their way through a canter half pass.

Super smart horses are just as demanding as Special Needs horses, and require a different kind of finesse, but the same ride every stride mentality just to stay safe.  A partly checked out horse is not a safe horse.

More often than not, our barn is packed to the gills with boarders.  No open stalls, paddocks, pasture or covered runs.  Some of the horses do best in pasture year round, even the older ones.  But when it’s rained for a week straight, even with shelter and blankets, you can bet some of them get a little bleary and sleep deprived.

One of the barns has some old tie stalls (yes I hate them too) that are used to good purpose in the winter.  Older horses are brought in during the worst parts of storms, given whichever meal is up, and have a chance for a few hours of uninterrupted sleeping.  Youngsters get used to being in a narrow space with another horse right next to them, as a precursor to learning to trailer.  Surprisingly (to me) when given a choice, certain horses will choose the tie stalls over being outside in the winter every time.  They have to be shooed out.  Pumpkin and Vladimir are both among the shove-em-out-the-door category.  The horses are not tied in the stalls.  There is only a single rubber covered butt chain behind each horse, to serve as a back-out deterrent.

I noticed that Pumpkin was losing weight.  It was a particularly bad winter, and certain  horses were being brought in every day for a period of time to get meals and nap times: older horses, hard keepers, or just a few the manager wanted to keep a closer eye on.  Pumpkin was being brought in every single day for blanket check, lunch, and an afternoon nap.  So was Vlad, who, while not older, was a hard keeper.  Usually, these relatively short indoor times helped stabilize any weight/sleep issues.

Vlad was getting quite plump and well rested.  Pumpkin was nodding off mid stride, and losing weight, despite his easy keeper status.   Strangely, the barn manager found him loose several times in the aisle of the tie stall area.  Something wasn’t right.  I decided to do a little detective work.  Under cover of hay tossing lunch noises, I hid myself in a corner of the barn, hoping the resident skunk would still be snoozing.

It was eye opening.

Vlad munched a little bit of lunch: this was room service and he had all the time in the world.  Pumpkin shoved his entire head into the feeder and acted as if it was his last meal on earth.  He ate fast, stuffing himself.  I nearly gave it up right then and there: I was worried Pumpkin would colic.  I heard the barn managers truck start.  Vlad stopped eating.  The sound of her tires on the gravel ebbed away.  Long pause.  Pumpkin is furiously chomping.  Vlad is…listening? He does absolutely nothing until we can no longer hear the truck.  Doesn’t move a hair.  Head raised. Ears intently pricked.

Satisfied he’s home free, Vlad nimbly turns himself around by using his shoulders and butt to push the thick side planks outward just enough to  squeeze through a turn.  He’s now facing his butt chain.  Next, he nonchalantly and carefully steps over the chain, letting himself out of his stall.

But Pumpkin was the one who was always loose!  What was this about?

Vlad walked over to Pumpkin’s stall, and nimbly unclipped a bull snap from an eye hook.  The butt chain dropped.  Vlad bit Pumpkin on the rump until Pumpkin backed out of the stall with as much alfalfa as he could carry.  Vlad leisurely entered Pumpkins stall, and ate all of Pumpkin’s lunch while Pumpkin wandered sadly in the aisle.

Finished, Vlad backed out, goes back to his own stall, climbs back OVER his own butt rope, and finished his own lunch.  Pumpkin raced back in to an empty feeder, and sighed dejectedly.  Interesting.  Vlad clearly knew how to unhook a bull snap, but chose to climb over his.

It was very hard to sit still and watch the whole thing – but I thought it in the best future interest of the horses to know the entire picture.

This is what the manager would see upon returning: Pumpkin wandering loose and her horse innocently and properly in his stall, chewing slowly.

I was completely astounded.  Vlad knew Pumpkin would take the fall.

Naturally I fed Pumpkin again, and moved Vlad (who was shooting stakes at me with his eyes) back to his covered paddock so Pumpkin could eat and sleep.

You have never seen a happier horse.  FINALLY Pumpkin was full, and sleepy, and could take a nap.  He was conked out within seconds.

Vlad refused to look at me for a week.  He was furious at being a) discovered,  b) foiled and c) being ratted out to his owner.  (Who never questioned the likelihood of this happening, because it’s exactly what Vlad would do given half a chance.)

Do you have any Mensa Horse stories to share?  We want to hear them!

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11 thoughts on “Mensa Horses

  1. billie

    All of mine fall into this category so like GHM, I have so many stories it’s hard to narrow pick one to tell!

    But, quickly, not leaving anyone out:

    pony knows how to take gates off hinges and walk them around so the entire herd can get out – all our gates sag slightly b/c we have to turn the bottom hinge upside down to thwart him

    Keil Bay changes the radio station from classical to rock whenever he gets the chance

    Cody regularly turns up in some part of the farm where he’s not supposed to be – leaving absolutely no evidence as to how he got there – we STILL haven’t figured it out

    Salina – comes to my bedroom window and wakes me up if anything is awry – most recently, one of her donkey boys left the barnyard area and would not come back (to her call) so she showed up at my window for back-up… 🙂

    Rafer – will bring you the hoof pick when he wants his hooves cleaned

    Redford – takes halters, lead ropes, and brushes out of the barn aisle and lines them up in the barnyard

    Reply
  2. Wendy

    Love the Vlad stories. He sounds like an interesting horse, in the ‘may you live in interesting times’ sort of way. 🙂

    I wish a had a great, short, super smart horse story to share, but I can’t think of one off the top of my head.

    Poor Pumpkin – glad you got that sorted out for the horse!

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Vlad was retired a year after Pumpkin, and is now sharing acres of retirement pasture with him. Both are doing well, but I believe Vlad misses the opportunities to mess with all of us, most especially his owner. Though I hear he messes with his owner every day in little ways. 🙂

      He doesn’t bug Pumpkin in the pasture at all, thankfully.

      Reply
  3. GreyHorseMatters

    What a cunning horse. Poor Pumpkin, glad he finally got some food and rest. I do love a horse with brains though.I find them hilarious. I have way too many stories about a few of our horses who fall into this mensa catagory to put down here.

    Reply
  4. Marissa

    Ohhhh yes — great post! Tucker’s dad is a genius, without a doubt. Not only the kindest, gentlest stallion you ever want to meet, but also incredibly smart. Typically, on long trailer rides, he’d remove his own halter to get to someone else’s hay net. He would frequently unclip the cross ties and come tap you on the shoulder if you left him too long in the aisle to gab on the phone in the office. In the barn, you could take his halter off at the cross ties, and he would calmly walk down the barn aisle, make a right, then a left, and go into his stall and turn around and wait for you to come shut his door. My favorite part about him is that I swear he could tell the days of the week. When I was grooming for him, we went to Florida for six weeks. On Thursdays, he had an 8:00 a.m. hack class. He wasn’t really a big fan of hacks (kind of boring, in his opinion). Without fail, he would go down for a nap at 7:00 a.m. every Thursday and there was NO getting him up. I used to have to get on his back, grab mane, and kick him in the sides till he stood up. He found this — and my grumbling about having to remove shavings from every inch of his body — hilarious. Such a fantastic horse. Beyond smart, but thankfully he used his intelligence for good most of the time.

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Tucker’s dad sounds just like the sort of horse I mean…can outhink, pre-plan, and follow through. Thank goodness he used his powers for good!

      I could totally see you having to ‘get on’ him to get him up. Great story, cracked me up!

      Reply

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