The Summer Chronicles I

This Episode of Summer Brought to you by Cabin Fever and Uber Boredom, Inc.

My toenails are now the color of Welsh’s Grape Juice on steroids.

Showering in the dark has turned into showering in the dark with a teenager saying “Ewwwwwwww, you’re NAKED.  That is SO Gross.  That’s just disgusting.”  (Did she think I showered in my clothes?)

As I cleaned worm guts out of Christmas’ whiskers, Lee Lee relayed the harrowing  close call they had: Christmas tried to eat an abandoned fishhook concealed with speared dead worms.  No more walks around the lake.

Fishing people!  When you fish or cut bait, PLEASE take your hooks away with you.  I had a panic attack over Christmas, terrified he might have swallowed it.  Next panic attack: all the toddlers and moms who regularly toddle that path.   Toddlers can snatch a leaf off the ground and shove it in their mouths at light speed.

Our neglected garden is starting to resemble portions of the Amazonian interior.  Where does one actually buy machetes?  Where did Indiana Jones shop?

I had two older brothers determined to scare their younger stubborn little sister. Not much fazes me on the usual girlie cootie front. Uncannily, the local kids have picked up on this, and use it to advance their knowledge.  I answer vigorous door knocking a lot.  Mildly.

I’m not surprised when, after another round of shuffling feet and vigorous knocking, I’m faced with five boys and a bathroom sized trash can.  They thrust the trash can up, and say Mom?  We found this.  Will it bite me?” An unhappy3 foot King snake stares up at me from the bottom of the can.

(For reasons lost in obscurity, they all call me mom, and Shaun mamma)

Yes.  This is a King snake.   It will bite you, and it will hurt.  No, it is not poisonous.  Cool snake, huh?  Don’t kill it.  Why?  Because they are one of the only snakes that will eat rattlesnakes, which will kill you. Think of this snake as a cop snake, keeping the rats out of your house.

One evening this week, Micah and Shaun fished unsuccessfully for hours.  They decided to change tactics and rifle through the tackle box for different equipment.

Lee Lee, who had to be convinced to hold the pole for this split second of rummaging, caught a 17.5 pound catfish.  Sucker was HUGE.  It took Mamma, Micah, Lee Lee, and three big burly guys who rushed across the street to reel it in.  Jumbo catfish held by big burly guy known to all the kids as “Mr. Fish”.

Lee Lee's Catch

Yesterday afternoon, we were all well enough to do a drive-by at the barn.  The kids to meet their new summer trainer (Katherine is out with a nasty concussion), and me to bodily hurl myself on all my ‘guys’.  They rolled their eyes and gingerly disengaged themselves as nicely as a hooved quadruped can.

I was thrilled to see the ropes still coiled on Bella’s back fence. My newly minted expert (cough cough) roping self showed Micah the, er, ropes.  After 15 minutes, he had 5 legal catches.  Beat me by one!  Of course, then I had to do it too.  So Micah and I were swinging the ropes and snatching them tight, side by side, while Lee Lee graciously hung out (Roping and Princesses do not go together in her book) and cheered us on.

Hudson, freshly back with Bella from the Women’s Invitational Roping in Reno (They did well.  And they were on TV!), trotted up to the fence to watch and hope the whistling ropes and sliding snatch meant GO.  Note to self: never carry a rope while on Hudson.

Kids have two goals this summer, not sure where the first one came from.  Learn to make blueberry muffins (??) and practice speed swimming.  THAT is obvious.  Show up every other kid in the pool if possible.

Christmas has learned how to open the front door himself, so we’re occasionally startled to look up as the door opens on it’s own.  Then look down to see fluff ball pouncing in.

Summer…it’s finally starting!


6 thoughts on “The Summer Chronicles I

  1. enlightenedhorsemanship

    When I first saw that photo, I thought to myself,
    Man, one of those chicks has HAIRY arms!

    With considerable relief, I kept reading.

    Jon, good find on the machete store. I once thought of bringing one of its Caribbean counterparts, a cutlass, home with me from a trip. My daughter convinced me that I wouldn’t be able to get my weekly massage and man-pedi in a St. Vincent prison, so I changed my mind.

    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      When I put the picture up, for a fleeting moment I wondered if someone would go there.
      It’s our ripped neighbor, who fishes there all the time for the big mouth bass. He names the fish (catch and release rules for the lake), and has been trying for years to catch this one. I can’t remember it’s name!

      Whew. Be hard to write from prison as well. Lucky for us your daughter talked you out of it!

  2. dressage rider

    Nice weather? Wow! Still raining here in MA. Depressing. Katherine still has a concussion? It’s been a while right? I hope she’s OK.

    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      The Eagles weren’t kidding in their song Hotel California (or am I mixing that up with another song?) “…it never rains in California, but girl let me warn ya…it rains back home…”

      It’s rare we get any rain between June and September. Or a cloud. Come visit!

      Katherine’s concussion was very bad. She always rides with a helmet, but she wasn’t riding. A bully of a horse she was bringing in knocked her down in the cement aisle way. Her head hit the cement. 😦


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