Off Topic: Name That Tune!

I had to do something to make this tolerable.  So you’re going to hear some singing.  I’m trying to deal positively with my fear.  What’s that?  Too many years of psychotherapy?  You think?

Spoiler: do not read this if you are bug phobic.

Our homeowners association brings in a giant dumpster (the kind you can park a couple of cars in) once a year to encourage residents to keep up the tidy Stepford Village look.  I appreciate this.  Great way to get rid of stuff without going to the dump.

In December, (first year of putting up Christmas lights on that side) I discovered the last owner used the crawl space beneath our house to store old wood, ancient siding, scary linoleum, foam padding and pieces of…pipe?  We won’t mention the 1950’s lawn chairs or rotting carpet.

Get ready, pull out the ear plugs and put on a pained smile…here we go.  Hint: West Side Story

I feel icky
Oh so icky
I feel icky and sticky and gross,
And it’s tricky to clean junk out from under the house….

I feel alarming
Oh so alarming
It’s disarming how alarming I feel
And so icky from killing those spiders so real…

See the black widow in that corner there?
Who can be sure it won’t get me?
Such an icky task
Such a tricky smash
Such a scary miss
Such a final hit!

I feel like running
To go sunning
Feel like running and sunning instead
For I’m certain a Brown Recluse crawled by!

Have you met my good friend Daisy here?
The sanest girl on the blog?
You’ll know her the minute you see her
She’s the one in an advanced state of shock

She thinks I’m cuckoo
She thinks I’m loco
She’s relieved not to do this today

(some verses cut for length)

I feel icky
Oh so icky
The city should give me some Raid
A committee should be organized to honor me (la la la la la la la la la la)

YAEWWWWW.  I did it.  (Shaun don’t read this part.  Really.  X out. NOW.)

Thankfully one of my brothers is an entomologist (bug guy) and I learned early on what dangerous spiders look like, how to dress for battle, and how to make sure they aren’t on anything you touch, etc.  I killed 8 black widows and 4 brown recluses.  Did you know black widows sometimes don’t have the red hourglass, and in fact can be brown?

Yuck yuck yuck!



6 thoughts on “Off Topic: Name That Tune!

  1. dressage rider

    I officially present you with the Spider Killer Award. It’s only presented to those brave enough to go where no sane person would go…dark, dirty, bug infested crawl spaces.

    Ewwww! *shudder* Hate, hate, hate spiders! Did I say hate?

    Last time I was bitten I ended up on antibiotics and an infection. The Dr says I’m hypersensitive…uh huh.

    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Little known spider fact that will help you: let the Daddy Long Legs live. They eat the venomous spiders and (thankfully) their mouths are all waaaay too small to bite humans.

      DLL venom is more deadly than the black widow, but they are harmless to us because they can’t bite us.

      Uh… there are benefits and drawbacks to having a brother who is a bug guy. TMI?


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