How to Get What You Want From Your Horse Every Time

Shaun was out with the kids, so I took advantage of the unnatural peace and quiet, plopped myself on the couch with a piece of cake and the clicker.  Time for the RFD channel!

It was a segment on Natural Horsemanship with Renowned Trainer.  I’m open-minded.  Might be something useful in here if I rummage through enough uh, oddball stuff. Don’t generally follow RT’s methods, but some of her ideas are based in good horsemanship.

I almost forgot to eat the cake.

Any time we work with a horse, we must wait for the horse to invite us into his space.

This may be a few minutes or a few hours.  But it is disrespectful of the horse to go uninvited into their space.

Okaaaay.

The basic idea, treating the horse with respect, is sound.  Acknowledging and gauging the horse’s emotional state is just plain prudent.    Making adjustments in preconceived plans in order to deal with where the horse is right now, well that’s good horsemanship.

Waiting for the horse to invite you to do something?  Not so much.   I imagine waiting for Micah and Lee Lee to say: “Can we please have lima bean, tofu, and liver stir-fry?” Or “I ran out of homework, can I have more please?”

Sure.  Happens all the time.

People pay Big Bucks for this information?  They do!  She has a TV show.  And Clinics.  There’s a website. Ads.  Special equipment.

Ahem.  *noise of shingle hanging*

Jane’s Natural Horsemanship Training. Tired of the old, ugly, harsh methods of training?  Days of study have proven my theories to be true! It works! Honest.  (See?  Not crossing any fingers!)

For the low low cost of cult fame and $2000 in training DVD’s, you can be on your way to an instantly responsive horse.  Effortless, perfect communion with your horse, naturally, is only a step away. Call now!

Take The Jane Challenge.


If your horse does not immediately follow at least one of the commands, I will refund your money in full, or come train your horse personally.  (See schedule for flight and accommodation requirements, travel and lodging not included.)

Getting what you want from your horse every single time is easy.  The Jane Challenge requires:

  1. An endless supply of carrots/cookies/apples Jane Treats (sold on my website)
  2. Adherence to The Jane Principle:  make only those requests which are entirely within the realm of your horse’s power to naturally fulfill.

Begin: stuff every opening in your clothing (pockets, collars, waistband, boot tops, cuffs, sleeves, helmet…you get the idea) with what you have on hand, say, carrots. Pretty much you want to look like a mutant orange cactus that has trouble walking.

(Note: I’m in the Patent stages for the Jane “Training Aid Suit” which will be available, in limited quantities, for purchase on my website at the low starter price of $259.95)

Proceed to horse’s area of habitation.  Standing outside of gate/door (you are not invited in yet, remember?) wait for the wind to blow the scent of carrots in your horse’s direction.  Depending on the size of the enclosure, this may take a couple hours.  Should your horse pick up his head, give the command “Look Interested!”.  Should your horse ignore the scent of carrots, give the command “Pretend You Don’t Care!”

See how easy this is?  You are following the horse’s natural instincts and attaching a verbal command to his natural response.

Subsequent commands may be: “Trot Over Quickly!” or “Amble Away to the Farthest Corner, With Suspicion!”  depending on the horse’s initial reaction.  You are simply following nature, and doing what the horse needs in the moment.  i.e. your horse will fulfill your every wish, because you are only asking what it can naturally do.

Here are a few more suggestions, for the potentially stubborn horse:

  1. “Breathe!”  (this is almost always fail proof)
  2. “Eat!”
  3. “Digest!”
  4. “Look Handsome!”  (not recommended for winter use)
  5. “Knock Me Over!”
  6. “Ignore me!” (popular with school horses)
  7. “Swat a Fly!”

Like all good horsemanship, it will take some time to implement these solid building blocks.  Say 25 years or so, possibly when the horse is too old to do much but stand there while you command “Stand There!” and get on.

But you will achieve a thoroughly trained horse,  without the horribly cruel torture devices of halters, lead ropes, bridles and (don’t look!) saddles.

My new line of absolutely essential, specially designed, nothing else will work training tools will be available for purchase just as soon as I dream them up put them up on Jane’s Natural Horsemanship: The One True Way website.

Cash only.

Take The Jane Challenge, and let me know how it goes!

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4 thoughts on “How to Get What You Want From Your Horse Every Time

  1. Wendy

    It worked with my dog, too. I’ve never been happier than since I tried the Jane Challenge, and my horse and dog do what I say all of the time.

    (There did that help you out?) 😉

    Don’t forget the special safari pocket training shirt, with extra compartments, for an additional $.

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      (Hmmm….may have to take you on as a partner, like the training shirt idea. )

      The Jane Natural training method…useful for dog, horses, and most especially cats. We need never be frustrated again!

      I think it works on spouses also, but with less favorable response…since they can talk back. When I said “Fork Over Cash” to Shaun as she was rifling through her wallet, it had the opposite reaction. Have to work on it.

      Reply
      1. Halt Near X

        My cat has trained me to throw balls on command. She doesn’t chase them, she just likes to watch me throw them.

        I only admit something this embarrassing, because as soon as I figure out how she did this, you bet I’m going to wrap it up in shiny plastic and sell it:

        “Techniques so easy, even a cat can follow them!”

        “These methods work on anyone, even species who think they are smarter than you!”

        “So natural, your horse/dog/cat/roommate will think it was their idea in the first place!”

        Reply
        1. theliteraryhorse Post author

          Brilliant! (rolling with laughter over cat loving to watch you throw balls – the things we do for our critters.)

          Our dog has trained me to open the door to the yard by staring at the door handle. Also to do laundry even more frequently…to avoid having one’s undergarments romping around in the front yard. Charming.

          Reply

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