Marriage. It’s full of compromises. Especially when it comes to the remote. Let’s compare favorite channels:
|My Favorites||Shaun’s Favorites|
|Food Network*||Food Network|
|FIT*||FOX (for House)|
|RFD||ANY channel broadcasting the most horrific reality show|
* Food Network and The Fitness Channel: you haven’t lived until you have spent an hour lolling on the couch with a box of chocolates flipping back and forth between Amazing Desserts and Rock Hard Abs with Rick.
**BYU: The Mormon Channel. This is my Sci-Fi channel. Who are these people, how did they get so white & clean, when will they invade, and what makes such scrubbed, friendly-looking folks hate me so much?
Watching TV with each other is like trying to shove the wrong ends of two magnets together. I like watching paint dry. The sounds of power saws, sanders, slow talking New Englanders and English accents relax me.
For Shaun, this is all fingernails on a blackboard. Relaxing, to her, is Inside San Quentin.
In the interest of domestic harmony, we watch a lot of Diners, Drive-in’s, and Dives or (my FAV) The Ace of Cakes. I’ve gotten acclimated to House in a boil-the-frog-slow kind of way. I still have to put fingers over my eyes and say “tell me when I can look again” while Shaun repeats “Don’t look..don’t look…don’t look… DON’T. LOOK.” with increasing intensity.
I am truly thankful we both love The Starter Wife.
My friend Daisy and I were IM-ing while working:
|Daisy:||Pls hold. Need another Red Bull|
|Me:||Hooooolding…la la la…|
|Me:||Is it lunch time yet?|
|Me:||But I’m HUNGRY|
|Daisy:||Walk to fridge. Open. Pull out Diet Coke.|
|Me:||Fine. What are you doing?|
|Daisy:||Shopping online. Need new blanket for FH.* You?|
|Me:||Shopping online. Stocking stuffers for wife.|
|Daisy:||Do either of us WORK?|
|Me:||Are you crazy? NO. Ideas 4 gifts The Christmas Present can’t maul?|
|Daisy:||You should get her ID…|
|Daisy:||The Gruesome Channel|
|Daisy:||No. Watched Lizzie Borden @ 3am while getting ready 4 wk. Great.|
|Me:||Do NOT tell me you like the prison channels.|
|Daisy:||Not like. LOVE.|
|Me:||Why are we friends again?|
|Daisy:||Because I’m GREAT. Get it. She’ll love it. Think FH would look good in pink plaid?|
|Me:||Yes 2 PkPld. But then *I’ll* have to watch it.|
|Daisy:||I’m rolling my eyes.|
|Me:||Seriously. If you ever tell her about it I will blackmail you.|
|Daisy:||Just added PkPld to cart. Tell me she doesn’t need a new halter.|
|Me:||She DOES NOT need another halter. Don’t you have like 4 of them?|
|Daisy:||6. But *this* one has rhinestones. Pink.|
|Me:||Winter + rhinestones = tarnish. Wait till spring. B on sale.|
|Daisy:||Removing from cart…|
|Me:||Serious @ blackmail. I HATE prison TV. HATE.|
|Me:||I’ll make it up. I swear. I have CG’s* email from one of your fwds|
|Daisy:||I take it back. You would.|
|Daisy:||FINE. Get her a pr of slippers TCP can rip to shreds.|
|Me:||Sigh. Do I really have to tell her about ID?|
|Me:||YOU are coming to dinner. Bring beer. I’ll do the dishes.|
|Daisy:||For 2 hours?|
|Me:||I’ll wax the stove. And the counters. Maybe the floor…|
|Daisy:||Eye rolling. So lame. What if I use hair spray on the rhinestones?|
|Me:||Won’t work. You need a clear coat, not a fixative.|
|Daisy:||What’s a clear coat?|
|Daisy:||And how do you KNOW this stuff?|
|Me:||Something that will keep the rhinestones sparkly and wreck the leather.|
|Me:||Dyke = Home Depot, remember?|
|Daisy:||Removing from cart…second time. Don’t you have Direct TV?|
|Daisy:||Then you have IDTV. Tell.|
|Me:||What kind of beer are u bringing? (BTW, you just added chocolate cake to your grocery list.)|
|Daisy:||Sorry. You’re on your own.|
|Daisy:||EYE ROLLING…Walgreens has earplugs.|
|Me:||So if I knit…& use earplugs…it’ll look like I’m watching AND I get marriage points?|
|Me:||You’re brilliant, you know that?|
|Daisy:||That’s why they pay me the big bucks. Are there any clear whatevers that won’t wreck the leather?|
|Me:||They pay u big bucks to talk to me? If you’re willing to paint each rhinestone.|
|Daisy:||Nothing I can spray?|
|Daisy:||Removing from cart…third time.|
There you have it. My work day, and how Shaun found the IDTV channel. Someone up there likes me. I didn’t even have to buy earplugs. Our Direct TV package doesn’t include IDTV. AND I got marriage points for telling. YAHOOOOOO. See? TV harmony. It’s all about willingness to compromise. And earplugs.
*FH: nickname for Daisy’s mare; Friggin Horse
*CG: Code for Cute Guy
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