In Which Jane Yells “Pick Me” and Gets…Picked?!

One of the trainers at our barn needed a bit of barn help.  Did I mention she’s a terrific instructor? Positive.  Cheerful.  She knows how to use her words.

Given some of the life events over the last year or so, I haven’t um, exactly ridden much.  Oh I’ve been packed around daily.  Not the same as real riding.

Riding: that state in which you tell the horse what to do? And meandering doesn’t just “happen”? And tack is involved? And you sit upright, instead of laying your head on horse’s butt while he grazes?

Trainer put the word out she was looking for someone she could teach to help her out on the ground, preferably with some horse knowledge.  If we knew of anyone, let her know.

Ever the mature 3rd grader, I thrust my hand in the air and waved wildly. ”I will!! I will!!”

In front of other people.  (Sadly, I am not exaggerating.  Points for enthusiasm?) Gah.

Momentarily taken aback, she said, “Really…?” Pause. “You want to…?”

I had one horrible moment of very adult embarrassment, presuming she was thinking: “How will I politely get rid of this ancient broad who might fall and not get up?”

This is usually an agreement for the 20-something beginning rider.  Not the 50-something sort-of rider that trainer has watched dozing on Hudson’s butt.

Luckily, she was actually thinking (or so she claims): “It could work? I won’t have to spend so much time training…”

I can do many key things: bandages, blankets, basic grooming, lunging, tacking up, read body language, and stay out of the strike zone. I don’t panic.  I’ve uncast horses, treated abscesses, can give shots, eye medication, deworm, check capillary refill rate and know when a tendon is iffy.

Most importantly, it’s possible I’m the best carrot-dispenser on the planet.

It’s the riding part I’ve never quite gotten down.

Hudson was a bit put out.  He’d begun to enjoy doing a lot of nothing outside his paddock.  After our first few rides however, he came out of the arena on jetpacks, proud as proud could be: every stride swung with “I’m a working man. Did you SEE that? I am AWESOME.”

You sure are, buddy!

Saddleseat Riding, Explained

Hmm.  I may have to do one of these myself.  Oh Laurie…

Thanks to the reader who sent this in! Made my day.
No artistic creator was attributed…if anyone knows, I will gladly credit…

All I Want For Christmas…

…are things that don’t exist, but should.

I have everything I need, which thankfully coinsides with everything I want. Anna Blake did an awesome blog post on Thanksgiving for Christmas here.

• Donkey Lending Library.

(Self explanatory to anyone who has ever met a donkey.)

• Opinionated, talking, inanimate objects.

I feel this would be the fastest and most consistent way of having humor on an hourly basis. I would crack up if my fridge firmly clamped it’s doors shut the second I plunked groceries on the counter, and said “You’re not gonna put THAT in me, are you?! Nu-Unh. NO WAY.”

Life would become highly entertaining. Of course, this would have to come with a “mute” option, so we don’t get carted off to the hospital.

• Magical carrot bags: impossible to empty, always fresh. (We have to have Hudson’s wish in here too.)

• Horses should poop gold nuggets. Win-win.
• Weather. Clicker.
• Google App for the brain: Download a Skill.
• If Congress refuses to work out an issue reasonably, everyone, on both sides, should have to wear a huge pointy party hat, polka-dotted, with streamers and uncomfortable chin elastic until it’s settled.  On TV.
• Option to Reverse Retire: retire when young, energetic and fit, work when older, stiff, and wise enough to keep mouth shut.
• FaceTime and Skype connectivity to Heaven. (Hi Grandma!!  Miss you!  How’s Mr. Chips?”)
• Fairy Dust. Who doesn’t want fairy dust? Sprinkle on barn politics, broken cars, sad critters, one’s own brain: the list could go on and on.
• The Argument Remote: pause, think, rewind, do-over, database access, and of course: mute.
• Zen Vision Goggles with Zap capability: instant perspective for self, ability to zap others in need.

What’s on  your “should exist, but doesn’t”, wish list?

The Trouble With a Good Rope Horse? He’s Good With Rope.

After the second big lock-picking escape in which Hudson stole Dinero and himself, my thinking changed. I saw George Clooney and Brad Pitt.

Think Ocean’s 243: Hudson starring as George Clooney, Dinero as Brad Pitt. Between the two of them, no lock is safe.

For a smart horse, learning to untie a quick-release knot is a fairly ho-hum occurrence. Pull the end, and I’m free.

Hudson is a smart horse with a stupid owner: I  let him watch me tie the non quick-release knot, without blindfolding him first.

Exhibit A: in which he thinks I’m not paying attention.

Exhibit B: in which he knows I’m paying close attention.

We love the hideous teal lead, because it has a panic snap. It’s why we can tie Hudson with a real knot.

Hudson is tied all the time, and he never bothers the lead.

He’s an efficient oat eater. Quick and thorough.  Dinero, however, is a leisurely diner. Hudson only bothers to untie himself when he determines his opportunity to double his dinner are most excellent.

I’m trying to decide if his blindfold should have flames on it, or hearts….

New Study of Human/Horse Bonding: Horses Remember

From Discovery News, by Jennifer Viegas:

HORSES NEVER FORGET HUMAN FRIENDS

Horses not only remember people who have treated them well, they also understand words better than expected, research shows….

(click on link to read article)

Check it out, it’s an interesting read. The part in which test horses respond strongly and positively to handlers with food treats doesn’t surprise me.

After all, I respond strongly and more positively to people who have food treats!

It made me think about Tiny, the big draft horse that Lily rescued, and the problems he came with. Part of Tiny’s unconventional rehab program was to receive cookies from his rider after he executed a rider’s request, while she was still in the saddle.

In Tiny’s case, the request was: “walk, please”.

He’d been so over-used as a school horse that he completely shut down. Put a rider on his back, and he refused to move. Not an inch. He didn’t do one bad thing: no bucking, no whirling, no head tossing, no backing up, no rearing. He simply shut down, planted, and endured.

Lily, on a hunch, fully aware that this was considered very bad horsemanship, stuffed her pockets with cookies. When Tiny took his first step forward off her leg and stopped, she held out a cookie, which he politely reached around and took from her.

It was the beginning of every positive change for Tiny. Contrary to what we all expected, including Lily, Tiny did not train us to give him cookies before he’d do anything. He started trying to please, was rewarded, and tried harder. Instead of needing more and more cookies, he needed less and less, until he was simply getting a few at the end of the ride.

I don’t recommend this as a general training method, but it worked for Tiny.

Nice to read the science behind food rewards: how it syncs to horses trusting people, and creating a stronger emotional bond between horse and human.

Update:

I believe the Discovery article was written in reference to this paper, and the work, in France, of these scientists.  Click for abstract: Positive interactions lead to lasting positive memories in horses, Equus caballus.

Paper is available for purchase, but not to read online in it’s entirety….

Every Horse-Crazy Kid’s Dream…

I love artists who think BIG:

Finding shade in a meadow near Doellstaedt, central Germany.

(AP Photo/Jens Meyer)

Alert! Stolen Horses still Missing: Trailer found Abandoned in Idabel, Oklahoma

Update: Trailer was found abandoned in Tom, Idaho, near Idabel.

If you can help in your area: check the FB page (click picture of flyer for link) to see what’s already been covered, then go to/notify your local auctions  - including kill dealers –  feed stores, tack shops ANYWHERE. Please do copy and print this flyer to distribute. Link to Stolen-Help-Find Facebook page from your Facebook status, etc.

Anything suspicious, CALL YOUR LOCAL POLICE or SHERIFF, then call the number on flyer.

Make it difficult for the horses to stay missing!

A Perfect Video Answer to: “Riding? But You Just Sit There….”

Tip of the helmet to Laurie, who sent this in for us.

(I hope to return to our regularly scheduled programming soon…)

Jane Plays Donkey Chess, and Plans a Donkey Abduction

Daisy and I are checking out a facility for a friend who rides endurance, to see if it’s worth her making the trip to visit the place. It’s an Endurance barn with a capital T.

As we get out of the car, we see a trailer being loaded nearby, and hear this:

“Yep. Going to the Tevis again this year, how bout you?”

Reply: “Oh yeah, we’re in. Gotta go – loading  up for a quickie 50, see you later…”

While the facility is relatively close to where we live, it’s way off the beaten track, in the middle of country that looks like this:

FYI, those are thirty to forty foot tall trees, not bushes.

The barn itself is homey and funky, a gigantic old livestock barn brought back to new life. It’s repurposed and well organized, with soaring ceiling and shafts of light. It smells like saddle soap, hay, leather cleaner and warm wood.  There are only a few horses in stalls. There is a lean and muscular horse bucking, trotting and squealing in the round pen.

The owner introduces herself, and follows our gaze. “We have to turn him out in a small area first.” The gelding breaks into an easy canter. “He’s 35, and we don’t want him to immediately gallop off.  He might slip.  So we take the edge off first.”

Thirty Five? He’s sound, muscled, and looks in his teens. Daisy figures out from the barn owner that it’s a horse she knew from 25 years ago. This is his retirement home.

The owner slides back a big interior barn door, and we see a room the size of a gymnasium, full of comfy sofas, oriental rugs, bookcases, trophy shelves, and the kind of coffee table  you can put your muddy boots on.  ”This is available to all our boarders year round, but we have a Yoga for Equestrians Instructor here on Monday and Wednesday nights.” I mentally check the mileage. Could I make Monday and Wednesdays?

The owner tells us about summer pasture, winter pasture, and the criteria they look at when deciding it’s time to move them for the season. She says: “Let’s go take a look”.

Daisy and I prepare to walk.

Laughing, the owner dangles keys to an industrial looking vehicle. Imagine a Monster Golf Cart, with a truck bed, roll bar, and 4 wheel drive. I get in back. Daisy is better at reporting the details our friend will want to know. I’ll go on for hours about trees and rocks.

The diesel engine roars to life.

Within seconds, it’s apparent why we are not walking.

Murphy Monday: In Which We Discover a Slight Oversight and Meet a New Blogger!

Daisy and I were quiet, watching Murphyvision. Barbie and Murphy were eating: my brain began marching images of junk food past my inner vision.

I look at Daisy, she’s probably thinking about something more interesting. Gourmet food, minimum. I sigh.  Have to get my brain out of the cookie aisle. Murphy and Barbie will be going for Warmblood inspection/approval. Safe, non-food topic.

“When is the inspection, again?”, I say, turning toward Daisy.

“First week in October”, she says. We think about this.

“Road trip?”, I ask, hopefully. It’s a knee jerk reaction: still picturing small bags of chips.

“Nah”, says Daisy, “It’s only like ten miles from here. Get the Doritos out of your head.”

We turn back to Murphyvision. Suddenly, Daisy jerks up straight.

“What?”, I say.

“Inspection?”, Daisy says,  ”Road trip?”

“And…?”, I think, while a queasy feeling starts gnawing at me.

“Oh. Crap.”, she says, punching numbers into her cell.

It hits me. Road trip?  

Murphy has go IN A TRAILER in 3 weeks? Mayday! Mayday!

A few conversations later, we have a plan. Hilary Dorris is going to come begin his trailer training.

Day One: 

Barbie can’t get in the trailer fast enough (she learned self-loading from Hudson) and blissfully eats  her way through a ton of hay, grain, and whatever else Daisy can throw in there.  Hilary quietly works to get Murphy to put a foot on the ramp.

Murphy’s response: a mild, non-hysterical, “Um. No, thank you.  I’ll stay here please.”

It’s good: he’s exposed, would put a hoof on the ramp, and remained relaxed. We’re taking it nice and easy, right?

Day Two:

I’m 15 minutes late for the training session. The rig is facing me, backed into the breezeway between paddocks. I grab my camera and walk carefully toward the trailer: I can’t see what’s happening, and I sure as heck don’t want to reverse progress by walking up and saying “Hi. How’s it going? Oh. He was? Gee. Sorry.”

Hilary waves me in. I’ll have to squeeze into the breezeway by moving a trailer door slightly.

I’m floored by what I see. Really?!? In 15 minutes? On day TWO?

There’s Murphy, standing in the trailer.  Perfectly relaxed, hanging out. Maybe ready to yawn. Totally unfazed by moving door and my appearance. He hung out at least a half an hour, completely relaxed: he turned around nicely. Moved away from pressure. Hilary even coaxed him a few steps backward toward the ramp. No intention to make him back out: too soon, just getting comfy.

There was a slight problem with walking out.  Murphy preferred, as a future hunter, to jump the ramp. Scary. Tanbark can be slick. He had remedial “this is a ramp. look at it. touch it” lessons.

Murphy:  ”So boring.”, yawn, “I am a jumper.”

He listened politely. Put a hoof out.

But calmly cleared it like a hunter. I think he landed 8 feet away.

Fine. Ramp lessons. First, mom walks over the ramp.

Then Murphy will walk over.

“That? No way! It’s too high! Dude, I’d have to lift my hoof up like THIS high! I’m thinking not.”

No more pictures. Aunt Jane had to step in and help.  To continue safely, we needed an extra pair of hands.

Within a quiet, skillful half hour, Murphy was walking across, on, and standing relaxed on the ramp. The bubble over his head clearly said “Um. What was the big deal here, wasn’t scared. Didn’t much like the thunking noise, that’s all.” Pause. “Can we do something else now?”

Thank goodness Hilary decided to return to horse training!  We missed her. She’s going to be blogging as well, which I am excited about. (Great. Tips.) You can find her new blog here, Hilary Dorris Training, with a more detailed version of  Murphy in loading training, if you click the link below.

He made Student of the Week. Aren’t you proud?!?

And I think we can all see his color changing: gorgeous!