Hudson’s Midnight Christmas List

Dear Santa,

1. Please remove Jane’s clippers.  I’m either going to end up naked, or with more randomly selected bald spots.


2.  A steer, please. They make such good…pets.

3. A Mrs. Pastures Easy Bake Oven, Industrial Version.

4. Carrot seeds. Dinero and I have discussed organizing a carrot co-op with our new roomie, Woodward. We want to put a garden in our, uh, restroom.

5. New wardrobe: Full face Slinky, and whatever else you feel like throwing in? I know Santa giveth, but Jane must payeth Santa back. (The only thing I really need is the slinky to cover my face, but Jane really really needs the opportunity to PAY.)

6. Please do not give Jane a donkey.

7. Kitten? Pleaaaaase? Puhleaaaazeeeeee…?

8. Movie tickets. I want to see War Horse. (Oh. Yeah. Tub O Popcorn! Now that’s the way to eat grain.)

9.  Two T-shirts: mine should say “Boss” and Dinero’s should say “Do I look like I care?”

10.  Dinero has been leafing through cattle ranch brochures.  Maybe you could give him a tiny vacation at Trixie’s? Not that I care what he wants or anything.  But I could like drop by and stuff. And bring my pet steer.

I have been a most excellent equine this year.  My friends have given me this great idea: reindeer are terrific for minus 60 degrees and stuff.  But horses are way better for the whole off-season pull the sleigh thing?  I’m thinking Cabo or a private tropical island with loads of grass.  Sea, sky, warm, grass…you could wear a Speedo, and Mrs. Claus could wear that bikini in peace (horses don’t judge.)

Psst, all my equine buddies on board?  Let’s petition Santa for the warm time of year…

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5 thoughts on “Hudson’s Midnight Christmas List

  1. Pingback: Welcome to the January Blog Carnival of Horses | EQUINE Ink

  2. Teresa Alexander-Arab

    Merry Christmas Hudson. I nope that all your wishes come true. Me, I just would like an equine companion. My human has me in this barn and I am all alone for the first time in my life. d’Arcy the border collie hangs out in the field with me sometimes. It’s nice to have easy access to my human for the hay, water, feed and grooming. Hey we’re even going for walks in the woods, which is AWESOME. But I want a barn buddy and the cat isn’t my ideal. My human is talking about it too but she says we have to wait and find one like “Murphy”. Who’s Murphy? Would I like him? Why can’t we have him? Why do we need one like him?

    Sorry, I got off topic, I tend to do that. Here’s to a whole New Year!

    Sincerely,
    Irish

    Reply
    1. theliteraryhorse Post author

      Merry Christmas Irish. Man, I feel you. Dinero got to go to the cattle ranch as his Christmas present, and the few hours I spent alone drove me nuts. And I have Fence Mates, a couple of (non-cuddly, which is why I wanted a kitten) cats, and dogs. Not the same as a buddy to hang out with. Luckily, Bella took pity on me and Woodward is rooming with me now. You definitely need a pal.

      Murphy is my nephew. He’s 7 months old, and has my excellent looks. Jane keeps telling me we look nothing alike, but what does she know? We both have the white Double Whorl on our foreheads, which has to be genetic. I’m afraid I can’t share him, because I can’t have him either. He has to live at some dumb barn with a view. What’s wrong with my view? I can see right into Bella’s dining room. And I can certainly make him run around enough to build up his bones and tendons. Humph.

      Here’s wishing you a good new year, more awesome walks, and a buddy!

      Reply

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